Greetings from your TGIF editor, down in his usual location
as we
approach the end of the work week. It’s Friday and it’s the 17th! Not
only is 17 my favorite number and Friday my favorite weekday, the
number 17 has an additional meaning and connection with this week. It
is the number worn on the back of an here-to-fore relatively unknown
rookie player in the National Basketball Association (NBA), who during
the last 2 weeks has become the newest basketball “phenom” and most
interesting national news story. His name, in case you don’t already
know, is Jeremy Lin and he’s an Asian American whose family origins
are Taiwanese. Not only is that a bit unusual for an NBA rookie, but
he also spent 4 years and graduated from a little-known university,
named Harvard, majoring in economics, which has produced til now, only
3 previous NBA players.
It’s a great story. He was drafted near the end of the NBA draft last
year and spent a few weeks on 2 or 3 different NBA teams earlier this
year. On Christmas Day, the New York Knicks franchise needed another
point guard due to some injuries and arranged a trade for Jeremy. His
brother lived in New York and so he moved in with him and lived on his
couch as he joined the Knicks. A short time later, Jeremy was sent
down to the “minor league” team of the Knicks and managed to have a
“triple double” in his one game there - - - meaning he made double
figures in points scored, assists dished out and rebounds. Only the
top players manage this kind of feat. So, he was called back up to the
Knicks who were in a streak of losing 9 of 11 games and the head
coach, running out of options, inserted him into the second half of a
game that the Knicks were losing and he played really well. So, the
coach decided to start him at the beginning of the next game and guess
what, he scored about 20 points and had about 10 assists and the
Knicks won. So, maybe a fluke, as he is only 6’3” and would not likely
be able to repeat this kind of performance against good NBA teams, the
pundits assumed.
He continued to start and play well and they won their next few games.
But then the Kobe Bryant-led L.A. Lakers were coming to town and that
would certainly end this improbable lucky streak. Apparently Kobe had
not been following the media and all the hype about the “LINcredible”
Jeremy and the “LINsanity” that had engulfed New York City and the
rest of the sports media and public. Kobe laughed off the possibility
that this new kid could impact their game and treated this whole thing
as NYC media hype. By the end of the Lakers – Knicks game, Jeremy Lin
had scored 38 points and led the Knicks to a last second victory. In
his first four NBA starts, Jeremy Lin had scored a total of 109
points, more than some of the true NBA superstars did in their first
four games, like Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain and Magic Johnson.
The Knicks won their sixth game in a row since Lin has started at
point guard earlier this week in Toronto when Jeremy made a 3-point
shot as time expired. A few weeks ago, season ticket holders in
Madison Square Garden (NYC) could hardly get face value for their
tickets; however for their most recent game, it was reported that some
tickets were going for $8,000. The Knicks won their seventh straight
game on Wednesday night this week – that’s all 7 that they have played
since the “Lincredible” number 17 has begun playing full time. Great
story. Everyone is having a great time with words using his name Lin.
In fact, his 3-point winning shot this week was on Va-LIN-tine’s Day.
The Knicks fans have gone LINsane and one poster in the crowd last
night read “We’re All-LIN love with Jeremy!”
Sorry, I kind of got carried away.
Back to our sober reality for awhile as I try to find some material to
share with you all this week that will hopefully raise a smile, cause
a smirk or invoke a groan.
I have noted the snow in Rome and it’s a pity that we don’t get any
here to help our ski industry in Vermont. I’ve been over skiing a
number of times and it’s good exercise. Also, I’ve been trying to
frequent my health club/gym – at least 4 or 5 days per week. I didn’t
know that February was Heart Healthy Month. So, check this one out!
February is Heart Healthy Month.
The following exercise may help all of us to a healthier life style.
The first time you try it, do it slowly, after the first try it is
much easier.
THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS
Pass this on to all who are 50 years and older. Cardiovascular Exercise
The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into
our daily routine.
This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain
muscle mass. Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise
program!
Scroll Down.
NOW SCROLL UP.
That's enough for the first day. Great job!
Have a glass of Wine.
* * * * * * * * * *
And speaking of “heart healthy”, check this one out!
The Heart Attack
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from
the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's
dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mummy, mummy, Aunty
Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe and she has no clothes on"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the
bedroom right past her husband.... Rips open the wardrobe door and
sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the
floor.
'You rotten Bitch', she screams. 'My husband's having a heart
attack, and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the
kids!!'
* * * * * * * * * *
And speaking of blondes, here is one that reviews the past 12 months
of the year 2011, checking out the actions of our blonde.
Blondes Year in Review – Monthly Highlights
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!....... Bottles won’t fit in printer!!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said “2-4 years!”
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition....
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm......
Car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is C.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....
They are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days....
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
approach the end of the work week. It’s Friday and it’s the 17th! Not
only is 17 my favorite number and Friday my favorite weekday, the
number 17 has an additional meaning and connection with this week. It
is the number worn on the back of an here-to-fore relatively unknown
rookie player in the National Basketball Association (NBA), who during
the last 2 weeks has become the newest basketball “phenom” and most
interesting national news story. His name, in case you don’t already
know, is Jeremy Lin and he’s an Asian American whose family origins
are Taiwanese. Not only is that a bit unusual for an NBA rookie, but
he also spent 4 years and graduated from a little-known university,
named Harvard, majoring in economics, which has produced til now, only
3 previous NBA players.
It’s a great story. He was drafted near the end of the NBA draft last
year and spent a few weeks on 2 or 3 different NBA teams earlier this
year. On Christmas Day, the New York Knicks franchise needed another
point guard due to some injuries and arranged a trade for Jeremy. His
brother lived in New York and so he moved in with him and lived on his
couch as he joined the Knicks. A short time later, Jeremy was sent
down to the “minor league” team of the Knicks and managed to have a
“triple double” in his one game there - - - meaning he made double
figures in points scored, assists dished out and rebounds. Only the
top players manage this kind of feat. So, he was called back up to the
Knicks who were in a streak of losing 9 of 11 games and the head
coach, running out of options, inserted him into the second half of a
game that the Knicks were losing and he played really well. So, the
coach decided to start him at the beginning of the next game and guess
what, he scored about 20 points and had about 10 assists and the
Knicks won. So, maybe a fluke, as he is only 6’3” and would not likely
be able to repeat this kind of performance against good NBA teams, the
pundits assumed.
He continued to start and play well and they won their next few games.
But then the Kobe Bryant-led L.A. Lakers were coming to town and that
would certainly end this improbable lucky streak. Apparently Kobe had
not been following the media and all the hype about the “LINcredible”
Jeremy and the “LINsanity” that had engulfed New York City and the
rest of the sports media and public. Kobe laughed off the possibility
that this new kid could impact their game and treated this whole thing
as NYC media hype. By the end of the Lakers – Knicks game, Jeremy Lin
had scored 38 points and led the Knicks to a last second victory. In
his first four NBA starts, Jeremy Lin had scored a total of 109
points, more than some of the true NBA superstars did in their first
four games, like Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain and Magic Johnson.
The Knicks won their sixth game in a row since Lin has started at
point guard earlier this week in Toronto when Jeremy made a 3-point
shot as time expired. A few weeks ago, season ticket holders in
Madison Square Garden (NYC) could hardly get face value for their
tickets; however for their most recent game, it was reported that some
tickets were going for $8,000. The Knicks won their seventh straight
game on Wednesday night this week – that’s all 7 that they have played
since the “Lincredible” number 17 has begun playing full time. Great
story. Everyone is having a great time with words using his name Lin.
In fact, his 3-point winning shot this week was on Va-LIN-tine’s Day.
The Knicks fans have gone LINsane and one poster in the crowd last
night read “We’re All-LIN love with Jeremy!”
Sorry, I kind of got carried away.
Back to our sober reality for awhile as I try to find some material to
share with you all this week that will hopefully raise a smile, cause
a smirk or invoke a groan.
I have noted the snow in Rome and it’s a pity that we don’t get any
here to help our ski industry in Vermont. I’ve been over skiing a
number of times and it’s good exercise. Also, I’ve been trying to
frequent my health club/gym – at least 4 or 5 days per week. I didn’t
know that February was Heart Healthy Month. So, check this one out!
February is Heart Healthy Month.
The following exercise may help all of us to a healthier life style.
The first time you try it, do it slowly, after the first try it is
much easier.
THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS
Pass this on to all who are 50 years and older. Cardiovascular Exercise
The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into
our daily routine.
This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain
muscle mass. Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise
program!
Scroll Down.
NOW SCROLL UP.
That's enough for the first day. Great job!
Have a glass of Wine.
* * * * * * * * * *
And speaking of “heart healthy”, check this one out!
The Heart Attack
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from
the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's
dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mummy, mummy, Aunty
Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe and she has no clothes on"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the
bedroom right past her husband.... Rips open the wardrobe door and
sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the
floor.
'You rotten Bitch', she screams. 'My husband's having a heart
attack, and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the
kids!!'
* * * * * * * * * *
And speaking of blondes, here is one that reviews the past 12 months
of the year 2011, checking out the actions of our blonde.
Blondes Year in Review – Monthly Highlights
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!....... Bottles won’t fit in printer!!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said “2-4 years!”
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition....
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm......
Car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is C.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....
They are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days....
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
* * * * * * * * * *
Looks like we have a theme going here. Here’s another blonde joke
received this week.
THE BLONDE MORTICIAN
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an
expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would
like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in
the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked
his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the
Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs,
but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds
her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk
stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied. You
did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue
suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a
deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly
after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit.
I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black
suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked
nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
* * * * * * * * * *
And speaking of heads:
Who is really the true head of the household?
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God
appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the
men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the
men who were dominated by their women.
I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of
the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in
the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was
only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to
be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not
fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from
him."
God turned to the one man: "How did you manage to be the only one in
this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
* * * * * * * * * *
SENIOR MOMENT
Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
Massachusetts state trooper sees a car puttering along at 24 mph.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"
He turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies -
two in the front seat, and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as
ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the
problem?"
The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "24"
was the Route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the
woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, "is everyone in this car OK?
These women seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 128."
* * * * * * * * * *
They Are Likely to Have Nun of This
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site
noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some
time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where
the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:
"And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"
The worker yelled back, "'Cause his wife's here with his lunch."
* * * * * * * * * *
This one could qualify for the golden oldie of this week, but I already have a few of those below. So, here goes:
The Two Brooms
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to
know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over
and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE!' said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this? !!!!!!
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not
to enjoy...
Sounds to me like she's......been ....sweeping around!!!
* * * * * * * * * *
Okay, although this could qualify for this week’s TGIF Golden Classic,
since someone has gone to the trouble of modifying it to look as if it
is the first 2012 Olympics in London joke, I’ll go with it.
It's 2012 and it's the Olympics are in London.
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they
haven't got tickets.
The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and
walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England" he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks
it under his arm.
“O'Malley, Ireland" he says, "Fencing."
* * * * * * * * * *
Okay. It’s time for this week’s authentic TGIF Golden Classic and we
go a long, long way back for this one that was submitted this week by
a couple of retiree WFP friends. No names - to protect the guilty!
The Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.
Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I
intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a
very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface.
A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly,
the chain broke; it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to
the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"S H I T!" said the hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Centre.
Claude was never invited back.
* * * * * * * * * *
Maybe it’s time for me to clean up my act, as well. I wasn’t paying my
TGIF censors enough to keep them on board. So, you are now getting a
lot more of what I receive, un-censored. Hope I’m not offending too
many.
Have a happy 17th and wonderful weekend and stay tuned for the next
episode in the LINcredible Knick’s rookie’s life. Will he move off of
his brother’s couch and into a bed of his own? Will he personally
benefit from all the Knicks' jerseys being sold with his name and
number on them? Will he lead the Knicks to their first NBA title in 40
years? As I said, stay tuned to this channel. (Come to think of it,
his economics degree from Harvard will come in handy counting all
the money he is going to make.) Although I am not a Knicks fan, he has
become my favorite Knick since Dollar Bill Bradley, who played 40
years ago and helped them win their last championship. By the way,
Bill Bradley went to Princeton and was an Oxford Rhodes Scholar. Looks
like the NBA teams should start scouring the Ivy League for future
talent.
Time to put this one in the can. (No, not the trash can, although some
of you might do that! That is, if your SPAM blockers even allow you to
receive it!) Keep the contributions coming and hope to hear from me
next Friday.
TGI-Jeff
