Greetings on this first day of fall in the northern hemisphere. And Spring in the southern! I’ve been kind of depressed lately thinking that our summer is already coming to a close. I do like the fall season and all the fall foliage colors; but it means that our long cold winter is not far away. I’ve enjoyed all my summer annual flowers and perennials that I have around my house and yard. I’ve also enjoyed burning up all the downed branches and wood on my back hillside in my fire pit with benches around it. That too will end soon; as will mowing the lawn. But I will have lots of raking of leaves to do in the next weeks.
I had all three of my kids up last weekend and Phil and Joya stayed until yesterday. It was a great time together. Now I have Thanksgiving (maybe in DC with them) and Christmas to look forward to. We had fun cooking together and going out to eat together and watching movies together. On Wednesday night, we watched “The Big Sick” which starred a Pakistani (Kumail Nanjani) who happened to have attended the same small college as me (Grinnell in Iowa) and we loved it!
Along with my friend Evelyn, we also watched Hidden Figures, which was a great film about a true story of black women who worked for NASA in the space program. This story was not common knowledge and it was great.
Well, I wish you a Happy Fall and hope the foliage is gorgeous! We like having the annual leaf peepers come to Vermont and spend a lot of their money here. The leaves are just starting change color. The “peak” may still be 10 days to two weeks away.
Let’s see what you all have contributed.
By the way; I got lots of favorable comments about last week’s material. So, I have the contributors to thank for that. I think you probably know who you are. Thanks!
A One in 67 Million Kind of Guy
Allentown [Pa.] Morning Call: “When his second hole in one fell Mondayafternoon, Ben Tetzlaff fell to the ground, saying, ‘What the heck just happened?’ A day later, the Parkland High golfer remained stunned. … Tetzlaff, a 17-year-old senior, accomplished a rare feat Monday, making two holes in the same round of golf. In fact, he did so playing just nine holes in a practice round with his Parkland High golf team, acing the second and sixth holes at Iron Lakes Country Club in North Whitehall Township. According to the National Hole-in-One Registry, the odds of Tetzlaff’s achievement are 67 million to 1, about six times greater than winning a $1 million Powerball prize. Parkland golf coach Scott Levan witnessed the second hole-in-one but missed the first, though he did hear Tetzlaff shout, ‘Oh my gosh, did it go in?’ ‘I know a couple guys who waited 60 years between holes-in-one, but I’ve never seen someone wait 40 minutes,’ Levan said.”
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Wiffle Balls
This past week when my 3 kids were here, my youngest, Phil, got out the wiffle ball and bat and they started playing in the side yard. Joya made some great catches and Jon and Phil hit some long ones. At one point, I came in to pitch and throw my wiffle ball cureveball (maybe it would be described as a slider) and they couldn’t hit it! I learned that grip about 50 years ago and it still works!
So, here’s some info on the origin of the wiffle balls:
“Wiffle balls wouldn’t be possible without the ubiquity of plastic. In postwar America, lab-synthesized plastics flooded consumer markets once they were no longer needed for wartime duties… The first Wiffle-ball prototypes were made by cutting holes into the plastic packaging for Coty perfume. Today’s mass-produced Wiffle balls begin life as polyethylene pellets, melted and injection-molded into hemispheres that are then pressure-sealed together. The asymmetric flow field caused by the Wiffle-ball holes might yield the same result as does the effect on a spinning baseball. … Unlike a baseball, air can flow through a Wiffle ball. Our results suggested that some airflow is captured within the ball, and that this captured air creates a ‘trapped vortex’ effect that also induces a force on the ball. This effect can either compete with or complement the asymmetric pressure distribution outside the ball due to the perforations.”
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Want Coffee?
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
“Want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Sure, Chief. Coming right up.”
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:
“Want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa…! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
“Training for a position in United States Senate. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.
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Catholic Bragging
Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My brother is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My brother is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, I have a daughter,
SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS
SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS
When she walks into a room, people say, “ Oh MY God”
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Texas Humor
One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump. ("fixin to" in Texas means getting ready to).
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump! Think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."
He replied, "I'm not married, and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well then, you just remember the Alamo."
He replied, ''What's the Alamo?''
She replied, "Well, bless your heart! You just go ahead and jump, you little Yankee Democrat ! You’re holding up traffic.”
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump! Think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."
He replied, "I'm not married, and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well then, you just remember the Alamo."
He replied, ''What's the Alamo?''
She replied, "Well, bless your heart! You just go ahead and jump, you little Yankee Democrat ! You’re holding up traffic.”
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Golfing with dentures
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Steinberg for a new set of dentures the next morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job?"
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 180 mph when it slammed me right in the testicles."
The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?"
"It was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."
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Trump’s Parrot
During a lull over a recent dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with the Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson. "You know, I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday in June. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!"
"Wow, that's pretty impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words, ...he doesn't really understand what they mean."*
"Oh, I know," replied Melania, .........."neither does the parrot.”
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Water in the Carburetor
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?
WIFE: "In the river"
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This is a frightening statistic !
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
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He must pay !
A husband and wife had a tiff; The wife called up her Mum and said, "He fought with me again; I am coming to live with you."
Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
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Today’s Short Reading From the Bible…
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed.
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?
WIFE: "In the river"
* * * * * * * *
This is a frightening statistic !
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
* * * * * * *
He must pay !
A husband and wife had a tiff; The wife called up her Mum and said, "He fought with me again; I am coming to live with you."
Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
* * * * * * * *
Today’s Short Reading From the Bible…
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed.
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Time for the TGIF Golden Classic
The Italian Lover
The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. "No."
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear....."No, I Danish"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear....."No, I Danish"
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Time as usual just enough to wish you a fantastic Friday and a wonderful weekend!
TGI-Jeff
