Greetings from your Friday guy at this end of October. We’ve had a relatively warm month and the foliage season was very good, with the peak about October 10th. People around here just go nuts with Halloween decorations all around their houses, with ghosts and goblins and pumpkins and skeletons and so forth. It’s crazy! The kids will be trick or treating on Sunday evening, although there is a chance of rain. If that happens, all the more chocolate and candy for me and Dianne!
The Democrats are trying to pass the Social Spending and Climate Plan, but a final deal is still not in; but it’s cost is about 1.75 Trillion dollars. But there are no Republicans voting for it. It seems that the days of Bipartisanship are over.
President Biden is in Rome today and will meet the Pope and others. Then he heads on to the Climate Summit with other world leaders in Glasgow. I hope that some progress can be made in terms of stronger commitments from high carbon emission countries as the clock is ticking and time is running out.
I had fun last week as I took part in the WFP People monthly zoom meeting. Trevor Page asked me to do a short presentation on the origins and evolution of the TGIF message for WFP staff that I’ve done since 1995. It was especially nice as many of my old WFP friends and colleagues were present on the zoom session. They all looked great and hadn’t aged at all!!!
Next week I’m getting a 15-yard rolloff dumpster delivered for one week so that I can throw away half of the stuff in my house. It’s overdo and I think it’s going to be fun to get rid of so much stuff. Jonathan is coming up next weekend to help me with that job, with the heavy stuff.
The Repairman
A woman was having a problem with her bedroom closet door. It would fall off the hinges whenever the bus went by.
She tried several times to fix it herself but the door would still fall off when a bus went by .
She finally called a repair man. He showed up, looked over the door and found no problem. Then the bus came, and sure enough, the door fell off .
He said that he was going to step inside and for her to close the door behind him...
As soon as the door was closed, her husband came home and heard her talking to someone in their bedroom.
He burst in demanding to know who was there .
Before she could answer he looked in the closet, found the repairman and demanded, 'what are you doing in there?'
The repairman answered: 'you're not going to believe this, but I'm waiting
for the bus....!'
* * * * * * * *
𝖳𝗈𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝗂𝗌 𝖶𝗈𝗋𝗅𝖽 𝖧𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗒 𝖧𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖣𝖺𝗒
𝖫𝖾𝗍 𝗎𝗌 have 2 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗎𝗍𝖾𝗌 of 𝗌𝗂𝗅𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗊𝗎𝗈𝗍𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗀𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌.
𝖠𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝖺𝗀𝖾, 𝗁𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗍𝗐𝗈 𝗌𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝖺 𝖼𝗈𝗂𝗇, 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖼𝖺𝗇’𝗍 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗈𝗀𝖾𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋
– 𝖠𝗅 𝖦𝗈𝗋𝖾
𝖳𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾’𝗌 𝖺 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗌𝖿𝖾𝗋𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝗎𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂𝗌 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇 𝖿𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗅𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗂𝖼 𝖻𝖺𝗇𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖨𝗍’𝗌 𝖼𝖺𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝖺𝗀𝖾.
– 𝖬𝗂𝖼𝗁𝖺𝖾𝗅 𝖩𝗈𝗋𝖽𝖺𝗇
𝖠 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗀𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗌𝗁𝖾’𝗌 𝗐𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗀.
– 𝖡𝖺𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝖮𝖻𝖺𝗆𝖺.
𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾, 𝗐𝗈𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝖾𝗇. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝖾𝖽, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝗈𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋, 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝖾𝗇𝖾𝖽.
- 𝖲𝗍𝖾𝗏𝖾 𝖩𝗈𝖻𝗌
𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗂s:
𝖬𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝖺 𝖻𝖾𝖺𝗎𝗍𝗂𝖿𝗎𝗅 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝖡𝗋𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖫𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗄𝗂𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖡𝖾𝖺𝗎𝗍𝗂𝖿𝗎𝗅 𝖣𝖾𝖾𝗋𝗌.
- 𝖡𝗋𝖺𝖽 𝖯𝗂𝗍𝗍
𝖫𝖺𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖳𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗉y
𝖶𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖾 𝗀𝖾𝗍𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝖾𝖽, 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗀𝗎𝗒𝗌 𝗌𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅'𝗌 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗌, 𝖨 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗄𝖾𝖾𝗉 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖽𝖺𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗒 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾 .
𝖧𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝖺 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝗈𝗒'𝗌 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾, 𝖨 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗄𝖾𝖾𝗉 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗒 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗂𝗌𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾.
𝖭𝗈𝗈𝗈𝗈𝗈 ... 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗇 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗅𝗂𝖾𝗌!
* * *
𝖠 𝗌𝗆𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝗋𝗀𝗎𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝖺 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗉𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗎𝗋𝗇𝗌 𝗏𝗂𝗈𝗅𝖾𝗇𝗍.
𝖧𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗌: 𝖣𝗈𝗇’𝗍 𝗅𝖾𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗅 𝗂𝗇 𝗆𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗈𝗎𝗍!
𝖶𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗅𝗂𝖾𝗌: 𝖶𝗁𝗈’𝗌 𝖺𝖿𝗋𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝖺 𝗆𝗈𝗎𝗌𝖾?
* * *
I𝖿 𝗐𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗁𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽’𝗌 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇, 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄 𝗌𝖺𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗎𝗇𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗍𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾.
𝖨𝖿 𝗁𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝖿𝖾’𝗌 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇, 𝗁𝖾 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗍𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 & 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗒.
* * *
𝖠 𝖯𝗁𝗂𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗈𝗉𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖧𝖴𝖲𝖡𝖠𝖭𝖣 𝗌𝖺𝗂𝖽:- 𝖤𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝖶𝖨𝖥𝖤 𝗂𝗌 𝖺 𝖬𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖧𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽…
𝖬𝗂𝗌𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋 & 𝖲𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 his 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾…
* * *
𝖧𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗐𝗂𝖿𝖾 : 𝖸𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝖾𝗆𝖻𝗋𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗌…..
𝖲𝗁𝖾 𝗁𝗎𝗀𝗀𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗂𝗆𝗆𝖾𝖽𝗂𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗒.
* * * * * * * *
Mensa
Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher.)
Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local café. When they sat down, one of them discovered that the salt shaker contained pepper & the pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any & using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa minds.
The group debated the problem, presented ideas & finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw & an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution. "Miss," they said, "We couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt & the salt shaker.... "
But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted, "Oh! sorry about that."
She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles & switched them.
There was dead silence at the Mensa table.
Kinda reminds ya of the government, doesn't it???
Don't confuse IQ and education with common sense...
* * * * * * * *
The Slow Golf Foursome
A minister, a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer are playing golf when they get stuck behind a particularly slow foursome. They call over a groundskeeper and ask what the deal is. The groundskeeper says, “Those are four firefighters who were blinded in a terrible fire. We let them play here as a courtesy.”
The minister says, “That’s awful. I’ll pray for them in church this Sunday.”
The doctor says, “I know a famous eye surgeon. I’ll talk to him about their case.”
The lawyer says, “I’ll look into their settlement and make sure they got everything they deserve.”
The engineer says, “Why can’t they play at night?”
* * * * * * * *
The DNA Test Results
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of different from his parents; so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.
Husband: What's up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid!
Husband: Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, you noticed that our baby had pooped and you said: "Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
So, I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.
Moral of the story: Never give a man a job for which he is not qualified.
* * * * * * * *
The London Lawyer and Irish Policeman
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyer, from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense!!
The Irish Garda says," License and registration, please." London Lawyer says, "What for?" Irish Garda replies, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign." London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Irish Garda says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License And registration, please." London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Irish Garda says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
The London lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between "slow down" and "stop", I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
The Irish Garda says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." The London lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the lawyer with it and says, "Now do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
* * * * * * * *
TGIF Golden Classic
The Church Organist
Organ...ist or what?
One afternoon the Pastor came to call on the Organist in his Church. She then showed him into her quaint sitting room and invited him to join her for tea and cake.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the Paster noticed a Crystal bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things.................
A CONDOM!!!
When she returned with tea and cake, they began to talk. “ Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spead of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all Winter."
* * * * * * * *
I think that I first used that last joke about 25 years ago in one of my first TGIF messages. So, it really is a TGIF Golden Oldie!
I wish every one of you a Happy Halloween and a fine All Saint’s Day!
Keep the jokes coming to me. I’m only getting inputs from about a half dozen of you. So, the other five hundred of you need to pay your dues!
Have a nice November!
TGI-Jeff
