TGIF - 26 June 2020

 

Greetings on this last Friday of June. It certainly has been an unusual last 3 months everywhere as we try to figure out how to deal with this COVID-19. I’m pleased to report that our great state of Vermont has been doing pretty well. We have had 56 fatalities and about 900 persons who have recovered from it. There are still a few outbreaks here and there in the state, but, for the most part, the state has handled it pretty well, I think.

 

Normally, I draft my weekly message on Thursday evenings. But Dianne was here last evening and made a wonderful dinner which we ate out on my back deck. So, I was sufficiently distracted from my TGIF duty.

 

Then, today at the end of a nice day of working in my yard and lazing around a bit, and after checking my emails, I noticed that I had started a TGIF message maybe 10 days ago and had already entered about 3 jokes. So, I checked my TGIF gmail and found lots of other potential jokes and so, decided, late on this Friday evening, to issue my “weakly” message. Better late than not at all, heh?!

 

I don’t know if I mentioned it, but a few weeks ago, on the scheduled weekend for the annual Taft Family reunion, we did a Zoom virtual gathering for 2 hours, hosted by Pete Taft (Pam’s cousin) and it was really great.

 

And last Sunday, Father’s Day, I had a wonderful Zoom session with my 3 kids and their significant others and pets. And on Monday or Tuesday, I received a nice gift from them of some wonderful wind chimes, which I have hung outside on the back deck. Thanks, kids!

 

Who knew that this coronavirus would be still an issue 3 months after it hit the US?! We have to continue to take care, wear masks and social distance until the worst has passed and/or they have vaccinated everyone.

 

Let’s see what I have to share today: 

“I can’t quite diagnose your case,” said the doctor.  “I think it’s drink.”  “All right, Doc.  I’ll come back when you’re sober.”

 

Two small boys were arguing about whether there was such a person as his Satanic Majesty.  “Of course there is” said one. 

“oh no there ain’t” replied the other.  “There’s no such thing as the devil.”

“Sure there is,” contended the first.  “It’s the same as Santa Claus, He’s your father.”

 

Now I lay me down to snore, insured for 59 grand or more.  If I should die before I wake, my wife will get a lucky break

 

“I understand that you’ve made up with Maggie and you are going to be married after all.”  Said a man to his Scots friend. 

“Aye, I had to” said the friend.  “She put on so much weight that we could’na get the ring off her finger.”

 

A prim old woman was given the first shot of whisky she had ever had.  After sipping it she looked up with a puzzled air and said, “That’s strange, it tastes just like the medicine my husband has been taking for the past 20 years.”

 

A man walked into a pharmacy and handed the clerk an envelope containing some white powder.  “what do you think that is?” asked the man.”just take a taste and tell me.”

The clerk smelled it and then touched it with his tongue.  “Well, I’d say it’s baking soda,” he said

“That’s what I thought too,” said the man triumphantly.
but my wife said it was rat poison.  You might try it again to make sure.”

 

A woman was chatting with the next door neighbor over the fence one day.  “We’re going to be living in a better neighborhood soon,”  she said

“So are we,” said her neighbor.

“Are you moving too?”

“No, we’re staying here.”

 

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because every play has a cast!

 

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?  He just needed a little space

 

What did Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

 

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

 

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

 

How do poets greet each other?

Hey, haven’t we metaphor?

 

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

“Thanks, I’ll never part with it!”

 

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Best Senior Games

Sag, you’re IT.

 

Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.

 

Questions Shouted into your Good Ear.

 

Kick the Bucket

 

Red Rover, Red Rover, The Nurse Says Bend Over.

 

Doc, Doc Goose

 

Simon Says Something Incoherent

 

Hide and Go Pee

 

Spin the Bottle of Mylanta

 

and, last but not least - A Fun Round of Musical Recliners!

 

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Yesterday morning, I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the liquor store.  
I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.

I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.

 

It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open.
She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less breasts almost falling out of her skimpy top, she said, in a sexy voice, “I am a big believer in barter old fellow. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer."

I thought for a few seconds and then asked, 

"What kind of beer you got?” 

THE ARROGANCE OF OLD AGE!

 

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The Older Man and the Pricey Ring

 

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.  He told the jeweler he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend.

 

The jeweler looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring.  The old man said, "No, I’d like to see something much more special."

 

The jeweler went to his special stock in the safe and brought another ring back.  "This one’s $40,000."  The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.  The old man said, "I’ll take it!"

 

The jeweler asked how payment would be made, and the old man said, "By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify funds.  I’ll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon."

 

Monday morning, the jeweler called the old man saying, "There’s no money in the account!"

 

The old man said, "I know, I know, but let me tell you about the weekend I just had!"

 

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Two minute management course

Lesson One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons - (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends your two-minute management course.

 

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It’s time for the TGIF Golden Classic

 

THE PIRATE

 

A pirate walked into a pub and the barman said “Hey, I haven’t seen you for a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

 

“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

 

What about the wooden leg; you didn’t have that before?”

 

“Well, we were in a battle and I got hit by a cannonball, but I’m fine now.”

 

“Well, okay but what about that hook; what happened to your hand?”

 

“We were in another battle. I boarded the ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off and I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine really.”

 

“What about the eye patch then?”

 

“On a fine day in the doldrums, I was laying in a hammock on the deck and a flock of birds flew over and when I looked up one of them shat in my eye.”

 

“You’re kidding” said the barman, “surely you can’t lose an eye just because of that.”

 

The pirate replied: “It was my first day with the hook”.

 

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It’s time to wish you all a wonderful weekend.

 

It’s hard to believe that the summer solstice has already arrived and days will start to have less sunlight from now forward. Let’s enjoy it while we can! I love the warm weather and things being green, although we are in partial drought here. I’ve been doing a lot of watering.

 

Stay safe and healthy!

 

Until the next time, whenever that is…….

 

TGIF

TGIF - 12 June 2020

  

Greetings on this last day of the work week, and I hope that many of you are getting back to work or working from home. It’s been a tough last few months. I wish I could say “Thank God It’s Finished”! But that is premature, I think. We need to be careful how fast we open back up. We don’t want another spike in cases. It’s tough to figure out just how quickly we can start to open up businesses, restaurants, and so forth.

I thought that I might not do an issue this week as there didn’t seem to be much new material. But I’ve managed to squeeze some stuff so that I can keep my streak going But you all need to do better than you are doing at present. There won’t be an issue next week if you don’t contribute something. And may I remind you that it doesn’t do your dues any good if you just send me back stuff that I’ve used in a TGIF message. I get so many messages from some of you who forward my TGIF to your friends and cc me. Nice. But not really appreciated as much as some new material from you all!

I love this time of year here in Vermont. The rhododendron have bloomed and the mountain laurel are getting close. The lilac had just gone past bloom and the old fashioned weigela is in full bloom. The other weigela, a red one, is also getting ready to show out! And my strawberrys are starting to show, as well. And my yellow rose is starting to bloom – as well as my rosa regusa. I love this time of year. Everything is so green! My parley and tomatoes in pots on the back deck are also developing. Plus I have a lot of red, white and pink impatients in deck boxes which are growing well and looking good.

Let’s see what I have to offer.

·  If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they’d leave that one on, too.

·  So, apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn’t the correct response.

·  Don’t piss off old people.  The older we get, the less "life in prison" is a deterrent.

·  Aliens probably ride past Earth and lock their doors . . . 

·  I asked my wife if I was the only one she’d been with.  She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens . . .

·  I don’t really mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

·  So, it turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

·  Getting older is just one body part after another saying, "Ha, ha.  You think that’s bad?  Watch this!"

·  My mind is like my internet browser:  19 tabs open - 3 of them are frozen & I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE MUSIC IS COMING FROM!

·  I miss the 90s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

·  If you see me talking to myself, I’m having a staff meeting.

·  It’s true that dogs are loyal.  But we cats don’t tell the police where you hide your drugs.

·  I don’t care how much you liked the soap . . . Never walk out of a public restroom smelling your fingers.

·  Do you ever get up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and think . . . "That can’t be accurate."

·  I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently.  I have new ideas.

·  Told my wife I wanted to be cremated.  She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

·  Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

·  Therapist:  Your wife says you never buy her flowers.  Is that true? / Him:  To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

·  My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you.  So I took her to Subway and that’s how the fight started.

·  Me:  (sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) . . . I can’t see you anymore . . . I am not going to let you hurt me like this again! / Trainer:  It was a sit-up.  You did one sit-up.

·  I went line dancing last night.  Well, it was a roadside sobriety test . . . same thing.

·  Picked up a hitch-hiker.  Seemed like a nice guy.  After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn’t afraid that he might be a serial killer.  I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

·  After all these years, my wife still thinks I’m sexy.  Every time I walk by she says, "What an ass!"

·  A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant.  A warm seat in a public restroom is far worse.

·  It’s been a bit of a strange day!  First I found a hat full of money.  Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar . . . 

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The madam opened the brothel door in Galway and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, 

good-looking older man in his late sixties or early seventies:

“May I help you, sir?” She asked.

The old man replied. “I want to see Valerie.”

“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone 

else.” Said the madam.

He replied. “No, I must see Valerie.”

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged €10,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the old man pulled out ten thousand euro and gave it to Valerie 

and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the old man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.

“There are no discounts. The price is still €10,000.”

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the old man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid 

Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the old man.

“No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”

The old man replied. “Salthill.”

“Really.” She said. “I have family in Salthill.”

“I know.” The old man said.

“Your sister died and I am her solicitor. She asked me to give you your €30,000 inheritance.”

The moral of this story is, that three things in life are certain:

1. Death.

2. Taxes.

3. Being Scr**ed by a Solicitor.

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Subject:  *Simplified urine test

Go outside and pee in the garden.

If ants gather:- Diabetes.

If you pee on your feet:- Prostate.

If it smells like a barbecue:- Cholesterol.

If when you shake it, your wrist hurts:- Osteoarthritis.

If you return to your room with your zipper open outside your pants:- Alzheimer's.

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Church

An elderly couple was sitting in church one Sunday. The wife whispers to her husband that she just let go a silent fart and asks him what she should do. He replies that she should put new batteries in her hearing aid.

That reminds me of the old one: If you fart in church, you have to sit in your own pew!

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How To Deal With Covid-19?

First it was, alcohol kills Covid. Then heat may kill Covid. Now they are saying that direct sunlight may kill Covid. So, if you see me out in my yard, drunk, naked and laying in the sun, mind your own business. I’m conducting important medical experiments.

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Anyone who had their face cleaned by grandma’s spit on a napkin is safe from Covid-19!

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TICKLE ME ELMO TOY COMPANY

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.                                                 Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.                                         The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.                                                    The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there, the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.                                             At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.                                      The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.                                                The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.                           'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday'                                           'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

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It’s time for the TGIF Golden Classic

I think that this is one of the first ones I used back in Rome in the mid-1990s. It still is making the rounds and I got it from one of you this week.

English is such a difficult language Wonderful English from Around the World … Cocktail Lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. Doctor's Office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Dry Cleaners, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.  A Nairobi Restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER! On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi: TAKE NOTICE:  WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ?  IF SO, WE CAN HELP? In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. In a Cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. In a Tokyo Bar:  SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. Hotel, Yugoslavia:  THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:  YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.     A Laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME. And finally, the all-time classic, Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window: IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE.

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It’s time to bring this to a conclusion. Hope you all are staying well and getting through this.

It will be a few weeks until you’ll hear from me again as I foresee that I will not have enough material to use (that I haven’t used 37 times before over the last 25 years!).

Have a nice summer and summer solstice and Father’s Day. (Hey Jon, it’s time you send me the Father’s Day card that you bought me last year and forgot to send!)

Until the next time; stay well.

TGI-Jeff

TGIF - 05 June 2020

 Greetings on this first Friday in June. The moon is full and the environment around here now is very green. Well, we are a state of lots of mountains and it’s green and thus, we are the state of Green Mountains, les montagnes vertes. Ver-mont.

It’s Fri-Day and so you can fry some fish to eat.

This Sunday is our church’s annual Flower Communion Sunday and I plan on having some of my blooming Rhododendran flowers next to me on our zoom service.

Thursday this week was a monumental day. It was Dianne’s first day on the golf course. Due to the time it took us to move that little white ball down the fairway, during the 9 holes that we played, we had to let 4 groups behind us play through. Oh well, you have to start some time. She did very well for the first time out. Just like her ping pong game, I say that “she has potential”!

The weather and temperatures here are up and down. Not much recent rain, and temperatures have been up and down. I turned off my furnace last week when it hit 90 outside. And on Tuesday morning it was only 42 F outside and 59 inside. Brrrr. But I resisted the temptation to turn on the furnace. Tough Vermonter, that I am.

We had a zoom meeting with our former WFP Executive Director on June 1^st, with about 30 former colleagues and friends in attendance. That was nice to see old friends and hear what they are doing in their retirement.

I’m running out of material and need you all to send me some things to use.

Let’s see if I have some things to share with you today.

Hello … I know you have some time on your hands … so I thought I would ask you a few questions …

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages … aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
 

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
                 
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
       
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
      
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'            
         
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald  men?
                     
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?
                                          

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?  Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
                      
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
                      
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
                    

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them,
but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Do you  ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first  place?

And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.
If they're OK..? (then it's you!) 

REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine … and a day without sunshine is, like ... night!!!!

      

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More Ponderings

1.  If poison passes its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous  ?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that at least one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars..   Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

Six great confusions still unresolved. 
 
1. At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?

2. If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

Vagaries of English Language!

Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?


Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

Did you know that if you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

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Old Ed

It happened every Friday evening, almost without fail, when the sun resembled a giant orange and was starting to dip into the blue ocean.

Old Ed came strolling along the beach to his favorite pier. Clutched in his bony hand was a bucket of shrimp. Ed walks out to the end of the pier, where it seems he almost has the world to himself. The glow of the sun is a golden bronze now.  Everybody's gone, except for a few joggers on the beach. Standing out on the end of the pier, Ed is alone with his thoughts...and his bucket of shrimp.  Before long, however, he is no longer alone. Up in the sky a thousand white dots come screeching and squawking, winging their way toward that lanky frame standing there on the end of the pier.

Before long, dozens of seagulls have enveloped him, their wings fluttering and flapping wildly. Ed stands there tossing shrimp to the hungry birds. As he does, if you listen closely, you can hear him say with a smile, 'Thank you. Thank you.’  In a few short minutes the bucket is empty. But Ed doesn't leave.  He stands there lost in thought, as though transported to another time and place.

When he finally turns around and begins to walk back toward the beach, a few of the birds hop along the pier with him until he gets to the stairs, and then they, too, fly away.  And old Ed quietly makes his way down to the end of the beach and on home.

If you were sitting there on the pier with your fishing line in the water, Ed might seem like 'a funny old duck,' as my dad used to say. Or, to onlookers, he's just another old codger, lost in his own weird world, feeding the seagulls with a bucket full of shrimp.  To the onlooker, rituals can look either very strange or very empty.  They can seem altogether unimportant ... Maybe even a lot of nonsense.  Old folks often do strange things,  At least in the eyes of Boomers and Busters.  Most of them would probably write Old Ed off, down there in Florida. That's too bad. They'd do well to know him better. 

His full name: Eddie Rickenbacker. He was a famous hero in World War I, and then he was in WWII. On one of his flying missions across the Pacific, he and his seven-member crew went down. Miraculously, all of the men survived, crawled out of their plane, and climbed into a life raft.  Captain Rickenbacker and his crew floated for days on the rough waters of the Pacific. They fought the sun. They fought sharks. Most of all, they fought hunger and thirst. By the eighth day their rations ran out. No food. No water. They were hundreds of miles from land and no one knew where they were or even if they were alive. Every day across America millions wondered and prayed that Eddie Rickenbacker might somehow be found alive. The men adrift needed a miracle. That afternoon they had a simple devotional service and prayed for a miracle. They tried to nap. Eddie leaned back and pulled his military cap over his nose. Time dragged on. All he could hear was the slap of the waves against the raft... Suddenly, Eddie felt something land on the top of his cap.  It was a seagull! 

Old Ed would later describe how he sat perfectly still, planning his next move. With a flash of his hand and a squawk from the gull, he managed to grab it and wring its neck. He tore the feathers off, and he and his starving crew made a meal of it - a very slight meal for eight men. Then they used the intestines for bait. With it, they caught fish, which gave them food and more bait . . . And the cycle continued. With that simple survival technique, they were able to endure the rigors of the sea until they were found and rescued after 24 days at sea.

Eddie Rickenbacker lived many years beyond that ordeal, but he never forgot the sacrifice of that first life-saving seagull... And he never stopped saying, 'Thank you.' That's why almost every Friday night he would walk to the end of the pier with a bucket full of shrimp and a heart full of gratitude.

Reference: (Max Lucado, "In The Eye of the Storm", pp..221, 225-226)

PS: Eddie Rickenbacker was the founder of Eastern Airlines. Before WWI he was race car driver. In WWI he was a pilot and became America 's first ace. In WWII he was an instructor and military adviser, and he flew missions with the combat pilots. Eddie Rickenbacker is a true American hero. And now you know another story about the trials and sacrifices that brave men have endured for your freedom.

It is a great story that many don't know... You've got to be careful with old guys; You just never know what they have done during their lifetime.

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Okay. It’s time for this week’s TGIF Golden Classic.

The Young Castaway



A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man.  "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.   I can stow you away on my ship.  I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.  That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.  From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.  Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied.  "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy.

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me.”

"He certainly is," replied the captain.  "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

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Some of you may groan; but I always loved that joke. (I’m not going to imply that she was a blonde, but, ….)

I hope that our country can rally to get things together to address our racist history and make some advances in this area.
We need to have a government that brings us to together, instead of dividing us.

Enjoy this time of gradually opening up. Get outdoors and exercise and breathe.

Until the next time.

TGI-Jeff