Greetings from the Friday guy and not from down in the TGIF dungeon. It became too depressing down there to draft the TGIF as there are no windows. At least, now as I draft this on Thursday evenings, it is staying lighter later each day. Tonight it was light outside until 6 p.m. and in a few days (Sunday) when the time changes to summer daylight savings time, it will be light until 7 p.m. and we will all think that Spring is just around the corner. Yeah, sure! It was minus 2 here this morning. However, it warmed to 25 and was sunny; so I did ski for a few hours.
It was Town Meeting week in Vermont, which this year coincided with the anniversary of the date that Vermont became the 14th state (March 4th) in 1791. I heard Garrison Keillor, in his NPR (national public radio) “Writer’s Almanac” daily blurb on Tuesday mention that it was Vermont’s birthday. Later that day, my former college roommate who now is living in China, sent me the following (longer blurb) message and since you know that I constantly try to educate you all about the virtues of our Green Mountain State, I will share the whole thing with you!
I get a daily newsletter from Garrison Keillor in which I saw this blurb about Vermont today. I knew you would enjoy it. Cheers!
Quote:
It was on this day in 1791 that Vermont became a state. It was the 14th state to join the Union — the first aside from the original 13 colonies. It's the second-least populated state in the nation, and only five states are smaller in land area. Of all the 50 states, it has the very lowest Gross State Product. But it also has one of the best unemployment rates in the nation. In the past decade, it's been ranked first as the most healthful place to live — more times than any other state.
It has an eccentric political history. It was an independent nation, the Vermont Republic, for 14 years (1777-1791). It had its own money, sovereign government, and a constitution that explicitly forbade slavery — almost a century before the United States did. It also required government taxes to support public schools.
Since 1856, Vermont voted Republican in every single presidential election except one (in 1964, it voted for Lyndon Johnson over Barry Goldwater). But beginning in 1992, Vermont has voted Democrat in every presidential election. It was the only state in America that George W. Bush did not visit during his two terms as president. It became the first state to allow and recognize civil unions between same-sex partners in 2000, and was the first state to legalize same-sex marriage legislatively (Massachusetts was the very first state to legalize same-sex marriage in 2004, but it was through a court ruling).
It vies with New Hampshire for being the least religious state in the union. Only half of Vermonters say they believe in God, compared with about 70 percent of the rest of the nation. People there attend weekly services at a much lower rate than other Americans, and a much smaller percentage say that religion is important to them. There are, however, a disproportionately high number of American converts to Buddhism living in Vermont, and there are several Buddhist retreat centers through out the state.
It produces more maple syrup than any other state in America. About 2.5 percent of Vermont's population speaks French at home.
Unquote.
There was another special day this last week on March 1st. Read on.
Can pigs look up in the sky? No, it is physically impossible. Pigs lack the specialized neck muscles humans have to tilt and point their head upwards. Beyond this technicality, humans and pigs could be considered DNA BFFs. Pig hide is used as a temporary skin substitute for burn victims. Pig heart valves are transplanted into human chests as an alternative for mechanical ones. Thousands of diabetics' lives have been saved via insulin derived from pigs. Experiments have even shown positive results for Alzheimer's patients who have been injected with pig stem cells. So, it's no wonder March 1st is celebrated as National Pig Day. Pass around the pig-shaped cupcakes, and set your ringtone on "oink," because today we honor the messy, lovable and useful pig.
Quote: "Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal." — Winston Churchill
* * * * *
A man rushes into a fancy restaurant, orders three appetizers, two steaks and a lobster, four desserts, a bottle of expensive wine, an espresso and proceeds to quickly polish them off.
The waiter says, “Sir, what’s your hurry?”
“You’d be in a hurry, too, if you had what I have,” he answered.
“So what do you have?”
“Fifty cents.”
* * * * *
A gas station owner near Camden, Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said "You were close! The number was 7.”
"Sorry. No sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed 2 this time.
The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3.You were close, but NO free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE Sex."
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week.”
* * * * *
My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway.
Karen said, “I love my new garage-door opener.”
“I love mine too,” my wife replied, and honked the horn three times.
That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage.
* * * * *
English Hospitality
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.
After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood.....big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC TOILETS.
He really, really has to go, after all that Guinness.
He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who says, "Now then squire, can’t do that there ‘ere."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."
"Ah, right," says the bobby..."Just follow me".
He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away sir, anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statues, fountains, sculptures, hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.
As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call 'English Hospitality'?"
"No, sir" replies the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
* * * * *
Church Dinner
A group of friends from the Cottonwood Community Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.
When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others. She decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive. She then told
her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too expensive."
He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms?
There are plenty in the creek bed."
She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."
He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK."
So Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Mugsy (the yard dog) a double handful.
Mugsy ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Mugsy and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve.
After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played 'Monopoly' and dominoes.
About then, the helper lady came in and whispered in Janet's ear.
She said, "Mrs. Williams, Mugsy is dead."
Janet went into hysterics.
After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."
Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road.
The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.
After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now," and he left. They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time the helper lady came in and whispered to Janet, "You know, that guy that run over Mugsy never even stopped."
* * * * *
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except for the shoebox at the top of the closet that the wife warned her husband never to open or ask her about.
One day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
While sorting out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time for him to know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $100,000.
He asked her about the contents.
“When we were to be married, my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”
The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving! He almost burst with happiness.
“Honey,” he said. “That explains the dolls, but what about all of this money. Where did it come from?”
“Oh,” she said. “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”
* * * * *
It’s time for the TGIF GOLDEN CLASSIC.
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
“Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”
“I don’t want to go, Mom.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”
“OK. The kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!”
“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready,” admonished the mother.
“Give me two reasons why I should go to school,” whined the son.
“Well, for one, you’re 52-years-old. And for another, you’re the principal!”
* * * * * * * *
That’s it for another week. Saturday is International Women’s Day (March 8) and in that connection, our daughter was interviewed on camera last week by Al Jazeera TV (USA) and that clip is to be aired today, the 7th.
Around here it is supposed to actually be above freezing tomorrow and sunny. So, it looks like another day of skiing, or as some say, “going downhill like everything else in getting older”.
Have a fun Friday and a wonderful weekend!
TGI-Jeff
