Greetings from your Friday guy on this 22nd/23rd day of April. Right now it is the 22nd (Earth Day) and the weather has been strange. As some of you know, Mark Twain (who lived for several years in Hartford Connecticut) was known to say that if you don’t like the weather in New England, just wait awhile. Today has definitely been one of those days. The sun was out early; yet it was cold and very windy. Then it clouded over and it then started to snow. Then it cleared off and the sun came out. Then it got very windy and it started to snow again. Then it eventually stopped and the sun came out at the end of the day. The temperature is about 33 and not the spring that we were experiencing a few weeks ago.
The weather was nicer earlier in the week so that I played golf on Tuesday for the first time this year. It was windy and I was carrying my clubs, so I didn’t last long. But I hit the ball straight and it felt good to be back out on the course. I also look forward to getting back out on my bike to get some good exercise, and maybe take off a few pounds this summer.
It’s hard to believe that today is the 51st anniversary of the very first Earth Day. I remember that first day so well. I was a sophomore at college in 1970 and thought is was a big deal. Today, President Biden held a virtual conference on Earth Day and the US commitments to re-engage with the world on this important issue. Thank God.
I am very sad to report that we lost one of Springfield’s finest this week. After a one-year battle with pancreatic cancer, Sandy MacGillivray died this week. She was truly a pillar of this Springfield community and a good personal friend. She volunteered in all the groups that did good for Springfield and was once selected as Citizen of the Year, well deserved. She and her husband Peter have always been good friends and we will all miss her very much!
I was a junior is Springfield High School when I first met Sandy and Peter. They were recently UCONN grads and he came back to his hometown (with his bride) as a pharmacist and they were active in the Junior Chamber of Commerce. One of the events that the JC’s sponsored was the Junior Miss contest. Sandy volunteered to help that event and organized a bunch of us football players to act as cheerleaders and do a skit in the show. That was in the fall of 1968 and we have been friends since then. Her daughter rented our house while we served overseas with WFP. Peter, Frank, Bill and I have ridden our road bikes together a lot over the last 10 years. We will miss her!
I hope the weather returns to spring soon.
I don’t have a lot to share this week. I had very slim pickings to chose from. So, send me some stuff or don’t expect to get a message from me!
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A minister, a rabbit, an imam and a priest walk into a bar. The rabbit says, “I’m a typo.”
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The Pirate
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
The bartender asks, “Hey, what’s with the paper towel?”
The pirate responds, “Argh, I’ve got a Bounty on my head!”
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I’ve lately been thinking about Osama Bin Laden. As we end our second week of lockdown due to the corona virus, knowing that he was stuck in his house with his three wives for five years. I wonder if he didn’t call in those Navy Seals himself.
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How God Motivates Seniors to Get Exercise
Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good
Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.
So if you find, as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.
Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older:
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
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An Italian Funeral
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.
The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral, is it?"
"My wife's."
''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
“My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also."
It was a very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood. Silence passed between the two men. The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in line."
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Old Men May Walk Slow . . .
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years.
He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees.
The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built, and he also had some picnic tables
placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten-liter bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get
out of the dam naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile'
Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast!
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Golf Story – When The Caddie Speaks
One of David Feherty stand-up shows that is quite spectacular; It's all about his life in golf, the drinking and lots of stories about life on the tour.
Here's one of his stories.
It was back in the 70s and a soon-to-be prominent golfer (Ray Floyd) was playing at Augusta for his first Masters. Back then the players could not bring their own caddies but had to use one of the locals. Floyd told the caddie master he wanted a big fellow who could handle his bag, but who also would keep quiet, no advice needed. The caddie who was assigned Floyd said, "Hello Mr. Floyd". Floyd said "Hello." And followed that with, "That's the last I want to hear from you."
Everything went well until the 10th hole when Floyd pushed his drive into the right trees on the par 4. After surveying the scene, he said out loud, "I'm going to hit a low fade out through that opening to carry and land mid green and then roll over the crest down near the hole."
Surprisingly he pulled it off exactly and turned to his caddy and said, "How's that?"
The caddie spoke for the first time and said, "That wasn't your ball."
You gotta love it!
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It’s good to look forward to getting back out on the golf course and on my bike. I’ve been spending a lot of time in my yard and cleaning things up. I really look forward to this summer after a year of the pandemic. Dianne and I have both been fully vaccinated and looking forward to spending some time together with family and friends in the next months.
Until the next time, take care and stay healthy!
TGI-Jeff
