Greetings from your Friday guy on this beautiful spring day here in Vermont. I took a leap of faith last week and put away in my little barn my snow-blower; although there is always one last snow storm here in the first half of April. If it does happen, I’m not shoveling it. It can just melt away. But, so far the weather has been spring-like and everyone is getting outdoors for walks and yard work and cleaning up from winter’s mess.
It’s the weekend of the Master’s Golf Tournament in Augusta, Georgia. I love watching this tournament each April as it is another sign that spring is here. I love hearing the birds chirping – even on TV – from far away Augusta. Most of those birds are just now returning to Vermont. And even though we are in the middle of mud season, the multiple signs of spring encourage us to be hopeful.
One golfing friend of mine called me last week and asked me to pick 3 possible winners, and then he named his three. So far, none of our 6 are doing very well. But there are still 3 days left. Meanwhile, Justin Rose (England) who we didn’t pick, is sitting on a 4-stroke lead at 7 under par after Day One.
You wanna know my picks, you say? Justin Thomas, Dustin Johnson and Matt Kuchar (sentimental pick). My friend picked: Bryson DuChambeau, Jordan Spieth and Brooks Koepka.
Another golfing friend sent me the following this past week.
How a Missed Putt Started a Golf Ball Empire
Phillip E. "Skipper" Young, a graduate of Massachusetts Institute of Technology, founded Titleist in 1932.
When playing a round of golf with his dentist, Young missed a sure putt that seemed to be caused by the weight of the ball. He then asked his dentist friend to X-ray the ball and the film showed that the rubber core was off-centre.
After this initial discovery, Young took X-rays of more golf balls and found that most were poorly constructed with off-centre cores and prone to erratic shots This inspired Young to produce his own line of golf balls, which would become known as Titleist.
1930: Young developed a machine that could uniformly wind rubber string around a rubber core, making a "dead center" golf ball. He named the ball "Titleist," noting it was the "winner" of the quest to create the best for the game.
1935: The golf division of the Acushnet Process Company produced the Titleist golf ball which had consistently been the company's most successful product.
1948: Introduced "Dynamite Thread" to increase the yardage of their balls.
1949: Titleist became the most used ball at the U.S. Open Tournament.
1976: Titleist was purchased by American Brands (now known as Fortune Brands).
1985: Fortune Brands sold off the Acushnet Company's Acushnet Rubber division, which was Acushnet's original business (circa early 1900s).
2002: Titleist reached the $1 billion mark in annual revenues.
On December 8, 2010, Fortune Brands announced that it would soon sell or spin off Titleist and some other brands. It was then announced on May 20, 2011 that a Korean group associated with Fila Korea, Ltd. and Mirae Asset Private Equity would purchase Acushnet for $1.23 billion in cash.
Acushnet employs roughly 3000 people in Massachusetts, making it one of the largest employers in the region. It is headquartered in Fairhaven, Massachusetts alongside its Packing and Distribution Center about three miles south of its original location.
They also have two golf ball manufacturing plants and an R&D Technology Center located in the New Bedford Industrial Park, as well as a Custom Golf Ball plant located in New Bedford.
And all of this due to a missed putt... and a lot of blood sweat and tears, persistence & dedication to making things happen!
GOLF TRIVIA.........
Golf balls are like eggs - they're white, they're sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
The pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you must have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps with house or yard work will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
Did you ever notice that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard or go to church?
It takes longer to become good at golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around in a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.
A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
A good golf partner is one who's slightly worse than you.
The rake is always in the other trap.
If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.
Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our frequent inability to count past the number 5.
It's easy to keep your ball in the fairway, if you don't care which fairway.
If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone would play better.
The greatest sound in golf is the, "Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh" of your opponent's club as he hurls it across the fairway.
A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there's ever a medical emergency, a doctor is always nearby.
The best wood for lowering your score is a pencil.
You may need lessons if you had to regrip your ball retriever.
It's difficult to decide which is more stressful - hitting 3 off the tee or lining up your 4th putt.
With practice and strength training you can easily get more distance off the shank.
The only sure way to get a par is to leave a 4 foot birdie putt 2 inches from the hole.
Nothing straightens out a nasty slice like a sharp dogleg to the right.
Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.
No matter how badly you are playing, it's always possible to get worse.
And one last one I saw recently:
Based upon a recent survey of golfers:
Eighty Percent of all Golfers cheat.
(The other 20% are liars.)
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In recent months, and longer, I have shared with you information about my home state of Vermont. My brother-in-law spotted this one recently and shared it with me.
Another Interesting Fact About Vermont
Escalators come in pairs—one down/one up. According to the National Elevator Industry (NEII) there are 17,500 pairs of escalators in the United States. But that organization does not break out statistics by state. I called various experts at elevator/escalator maintanance companies but was unable to get solid statistics for Vermont.
An article in The Atlantic by Megan Garber entitled “The State of Wyoming Has 2 Escalators,” (July 17, 2013) discovered that Wyoming has a total of only two escalators, both in Casper—one at the First National Bank, another at the Hilltop National Bank. There used to be a third escalator in the old JC Penney building in Cheyenne but the building (and its escalator) were demolished.
A radio station in Montana counted six elevators in that state—all in malls or airports.
At first, I was able to count only two escalators in Vermont--for a tie with Wyoming as the states with the fewest escalators in the country.
The only two pairs of escalators I was able to find were at Vermont’s Burlington International Airport. There was a third escalator at the Burlington Town Center, which had an escalator just outside Macy’s, but the mall was demolished in late 2017. University Mall in South Burlington, Vermont’s largest Mall, might seem like a candidate for the list, but it does not have an escalator. It is only one story tall.
Then, in early 2019, I received an email from Trevor Houchens of South Burlington. He counted another two sets of escalators at the South Burlington Barnes and Nobles and the Williston Majestic 10 movie theater. That means Vermont has a total of only four escalators--not as few as Wyoming--but probably good enough for second place nationwide.
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PONDERISMS
Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke?
Go ahead and try it...
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered??
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going? (taxes)
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change??? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? (I was wondering myself at this...)
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
HOW DID THE MAN WHO MADE THE FIRST CLOCK, KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS?
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RAIN and GOVERNMENT
The King wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours.
The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.
So the King and the Queen went fishing.
On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace!
In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."
The King replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional.
Besides, I pay him very high wages.
He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."
So the King continued on his way.
However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky.
The King and Queen were totally soaked.
Furious, the King returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist.
Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting.
I obtain my information from my donkey.
If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."
So, the King hired the donkey.
And so began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.
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PARAPROSDOKIANS
(A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oftentimes very humorous.)
If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me very attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I'm great at multitasking: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Take my advice, I'm not using it.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
Men say women should come with an instruction manual; but since when has any man stopped to read the instructions.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you...
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I just learned that my golf club announced that it will open for members next Friday. So, one week from today, I will be saying TGIF.
Today is my older brother Nate’s birthday and so I wish him a happy one and many more.
For all the rest of you, have a nice weekend.
I also note that the Islamic holy month of Ramadan will be beginning soon.
TGI-Jeff
