Greetings from the Friday guy. Yes! It’s Friday and aren’t you glad?! TGIF!
It’s been quite a week. Last Sunday was the National Football League’s championship game. You might have heard of it. They call it the Super Bowl and this one was the 51st ! From the first Super Bowl in 1967 (I remember watching that one when I was in high school) they decided to number them using Roman numbers. So, this one was “LI”.
When I retired, Pam and I had a new addition put onto the back of our house. Actually, it was necessary to accommodate all the furniture that we had with us in all of the places we lived in the 9 countries while working for the World Food Programme. Anyway, having noticed this spacious room and nice big-screen TV, our close Springfield friends (who used to gather to watch the big game prior to our return and our addition in cramped quarters) asked us if we’d be willing to host it here. Of course, we said. So, it’s become a little tradition since 2011. It’s always been a fun party but a lot more tense when our Patriots are in it. When the Patriots are not in it, many of us really enjoy seeing the new, specially made for the Super Bowl commercials, as they usually are pretty clever. However, when are Pats are in it, we focus on the game.
While I realize that the rest of the country, outside of New England, just HATE the New England Patriots, just like many of us used to hate the New York Yankees (baseball) because they always found a way to win, the Patriots have become a very dominant team since the pairing of Coach Bill Belichick and QB Tom Brady in 2001. They had won 4 Super Bowl games since then. No team had won 5. That is – before last Sunday. But, it wasn’t easy! They had to overcome a 25-point deficit in order to win it in overtime by the score of 34 to 28. The Patritots outscored the Atlanta Falcons in the second half and overtime by 31 to 7. So, Belichick and Brady win again (#5) and Brady wins his 4th Super Bowl Most Valuable Player award. He’s 39 years old and wants to play several more years! He’s been drinking from “the fountain of youth!”
So, on Tuesday of this week, hundreds of thousands of Patriot fans flooded Boston for the Patriot’s Parade, despite the fact that it was cold and snowing. One young man held up a sign, which said: “I’m 15 and this is my 10th Boston Parade”!
In his relatively short lifetime, he has seen the Patriots win 5 championships, the Red Sox 3, the Bruins and Celtics 1 each. That’s amazing for a city that used to be known for losing and hoping in our annual mantra: “wait til next year”! How things have changed in the last 15 years!
We’ve also had a lot of winter this week! On Tuesday we had snow and then sleet and then freezing rain! What a mess! Then on Thursday morning, the storm they call Niko came up the eastern seacoast and dumped snow on DC. Philly, NYC and Boston. Some areas may have gotten a foot of snow or more. We got about 6 inches here. But at least it was powder here and not wet. I look forward to some good skiing today.
Speaking of snowstorms, let me dive into some material for this week.
On a bitterly cold winter morning, a husband and wife in Chicago were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...."
Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all married men exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."
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Seenagers
I just discovered my age group! I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later.
I don't have to go to school or work
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don't have a curfew.
I have a driver's license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store best.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?
And I don't have acne.
Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.
People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.
It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.
SO THERE!!
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Maxine
Our choice of a very special lady whom we should have elected our President. She has the answer to all our problems.
PLEASE give it a thought when you have a moment...
Maxine for President!
Maxine on "Driver Safety" "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.".......
Maxine on "Housework" "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."
Maxine on "Lawn Care" "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."
Maxine on "The Perfect Man" "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."
Maxine on "Technology Revolution" "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."
Maxine on "Aging" "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita."
Other Maxineisms:
“The only two things that we seniors do with greater frequency in old age are urinate and attend funeral”!
"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."
"To err is human; to forgive, highly unlikely."
"Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels? (Now that's scary!) "
"Money can't buy happiness--but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."
"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere...you may be dead."
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IRS Audit
The IRS suspected a Massachusetts fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AUDITOR: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
BOAT OWNER: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here, makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers each week to take the edge off of work, and he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged
one".
BOAT OWNER: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?
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The Irish Angler
The rain was pouring down. And there standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub, was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Fishing,” replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent said, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me."
In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskeys, the gentleman cannot resist asking, "So how many have you caught today?"
"You're the eighth" said the old man.
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So, my joke last week about the difference between Officers and NCOs reminded one of you about another joke about ears:-
Towards the end of the corporal's interview, he was asked,
"What would happen if I cut off your left ear?"
"I'd be partially blind sir".
"What would happen if I also cut off your right ear?"
"I'd become totally blind sir"
"How do you work that out corporal?"
"My hat would fall over my eyes sir".
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It’s time for the weekly TGIF Golden Classic
A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE:
We will heel you,
We will save your sole,
We will even dye for you.
In a Podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels.
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.
On a Plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.
On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.
On an Electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.
In a Non-smoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.
On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push.
At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
At the Electric Company:
We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.
In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully. We'll wait.
At a Propane Filling Station:
Thank Heaven for little grills.
Thank Heaven for little grills.
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
Best place in town to take a leak.
Best place in town to take a leak.
And the best one for last…
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises
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Remember to send me some material. I’m running very low on new or good stuff.
And as Tom Brady would say, “Roger That!”
That’s all for now. Have a great weekend!
TGI-Jeff
