Greetings from you-know-who back down here in the dungeon after having
spent a beautiful day outdoors, walking 18 holes at the links and
mowing half of the yard. With all the rain we’ve been getting, the
grass is growing really fast and the yard is green, even if partly
covered by dandelions. I’ve given up trying to get rid of them. I knew
someone who used to pay his kids to pick out by the roots all the
dandelions in his yard. But that was back before they were unionized
and only got 5 cents per dandelion. Anyway, we’ve had lots of rain and
parts of Vermont got some hail during a big thunderstorm here on
Wednesday evening. The golf course was wet and spongy but it was a
nice walk in mid-60s temperatures.
This will be my last TGIF for several weeks (2 at least) as Pam and I
will be traveling to San Diego to spend a week there with my sister
and her husband, and my brother and his wife. The week there is around
our youngest, Philip, USD graduation over Memorial Day weekend. Then I
will stop off in Iowa on my homeward trip to attend my Grinnell
College alumni reunion weekend. It will be a huge “cluster” reunion,
involving the classes near mine (1973) of ’72, ’71 and ’66, ’67 and
’68. I think that the classes of 1969 and 1970 decided to join in as
well. So, it should be fun. Obviously, there will be other classes
attending (60 years, 50 years, 30, 25, 20, 10, and so forth). It will
not be my only time in Grinnell this summer, as I will be doing my
third bike ride across Iowa (RAGBRAI) the last week of July and so
will be in Grinnell at the beginning and end of that week, as I’ll be
going this year with the Grinnell College group and Grinnell’s Bikes
To You support group.
So, until a few weeks from now, enjoy the following offerings. There
are some on language, some on religion, some on sexual orientation and
one on time and a good golden oldie with Ollie.
Oh, congrats to my friend Peter and his Manchester City team who
managed to win their first English Premier League title since 1968. (I
know how hard it was for me to wait for my Red Sox to finally win a
championship in 2004.)
* * * * * * * * * *
WHY SENTENCE STRUCTURE IS SO IMPORTANT
The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two
people - Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who
used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying
all night.
She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said:
'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'
'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I feel like shit.'
* * * * * * * * * *
HAVE SOME FAITH
During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should
remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all
wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence. "I think I'd throw up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one
of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the
youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about
the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much
practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the
kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation,
Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the
microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all
I need to know."
UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always
paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One
day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his
daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to
help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says
your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does
she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless
every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and
past). For several weeks after we had finished the nightly prayer,
Kelli would say, "And all girls." It soon became part of her nightly
routine to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I
asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"
Her response: "Because everybody else always finishes their prayers by
saying 'All Men'!"
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
grandmother's house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started to eat right away.
"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother. "I
don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer
before eating at our house."
"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house,
and she knows how to cook.
* * * * * * * * * *
SAME SEX MARRIAGE
Two elderly ladies (Gladys and Francis) were sitting on a park bench
discussing current topics:
And another thing, Francis, all this talk about same sex marriage…..
I just don’t see what the big deal is!
Harvey and I have been having the same sex for 54 years, and to tell
you the truth, it isn’t worth getting all upset over.
* * * * * * * * * *
A Written Response to Dr. Laura
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US
man, and posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative.
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of
debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord -Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’
of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and
unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum,
Instruction, and Special Education, University of Virginia
* * * * * * * * * *
English as a second language
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his
Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives
when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to
speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree
and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is
a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he
hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a
couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills
them both.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent
years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each
other, so how could he just up and kill these 2 people?
The chief replied,
"My bike."
Enjoy your day and remember to be careful when riding somebody else's bike.
* * * * * * * * * *
What would you do with this prize?
Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest: Each
morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for
your use.
However, this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules.
The first set of rules would be:
Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.
You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
You may only spend it.
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another
$86,400.00 for that day.
The second set of rules:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time
It can say, it’s over, the game is over! It can close the account and
you will not receive a new one.
What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for
yourself, but for all people you love, right? Even for people you
don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself,
right? You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, right?
ACTUALLY This GAME is REALITY!
Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem
to see it.
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life,
And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.
Yesterday is forever gone.
Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your
account at any time....WITHOUT WARNING.
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in money.
Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker
than you think.
So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and enjoy life!
Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day.
Start spending wisely, as too many seconds have already passed by.
* * * * * * * * * *
It’s time for the TGIF Golden Classic for this week. An oldie – but goodie!
Accident Lawsuit
A Minnesota farmer named Olie had a car accident. He was hit by a
truck owned by the Eversweet Company. Olie decided to sue.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him
thus: 'Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine?"
Olie responded: 'vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust
loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '
'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'?'
Olie said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas
drivin' down da road.... ' the lawyer interrupted again and said,
'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of
the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I
believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Olie's answer and
said to the attorney: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite cow, Bessie'.
Olie said: 'Tank you' and proceeded. 'vell as I vas saying, I had yust
loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her
down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering
tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was
trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch.
By yimminy yahosaphat I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to
move. An even vurse dan dat, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a
groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He
could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to
her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his
gun and shot her right between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me,
and said, 'How are you feelin'?'
'Now wot da fock vud you say?'
* * * * * * * * * *
Just enough time left to wish you a fantastic Friday and a wonderful
weekend, as usual. The weather here looks very good for the next
days so I hope to finish planting a small garden and some flower beds. And go on a few bike rides and walk a few links.
Until the next time, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. But if you do, be careful!
TGI-Jeff
spent a beautiful day outdoors, walking 18 holes at the links and
mowing half of the yard. With all the rain we’ve been getting, the
grass is growing really fast and the yard is green, even if partly
covered by dandelions. I’ve given up trying to get rid of them. I knew
someone who used to pay his kids to pick out by the roots all the
dandelions in his yard. But that was back before they were unionized
and only got 5 cents per dandelion. Anyway, we’ve had lots of rain and
parts of Vermont got some hail during a big thunderstorm here on
Wednesday evening. The golf course was wet and spongy but it was a
nice walk in mid-60s temperatures.
This will be my last TGIF for several weeks (2 at least) as Pam and I
will be traveling to San Diego to spend a week there with my sister
and her husband, and my brother and his wife. The week there is around
our youngest, Philip, USD graduation over Memorial Day weekend. Then I
will stop off in Iowa on my homeward trip to attend my Grinnell
College alumni reunion weekend. It will be a huge “cluster” reunion,
involving the classes near mine (1973) of ’72, ’71 and ’66, ’67 and
’68. I think that the classes of 1969 and 1970 decided to join in as
well. So, it should be fun. Obviously, there will be other classes
attending (60 years, 50 years, 30, 25, 20, 10, and so forth). It will
not be my only time in Grinnell this summer, as I will be doing my
third bike ride across Iowa (RAGBRAI) the last week of July and so
will be in Grinnell at the beginning and end of that week, as I’ll be
going this year with the Grinnell College group and Grinnell’s Bikes
To You support group.
So, until a few weeks from now, enjoy the following offerings. There
are some on language, some on religion, some on sexual orientation and
one on time and a good golden oldie with Ollie.
Oh, congrats to my friend Peter and his Manchester City team who
managed to win their first English Premier League title since 1968. (I
know how hard it was for me to wait for my Red Sox to finally win a
championship in 2004.)
* * * * * * * * * *
WHY SENTENCE STRUCTURE IS SO IMPORTANT
The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two
people - Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who
used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying
all night.
She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said:
'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'
'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I feel like shit.'
* * * * * * * * * *
HAVE SOME FAITH
During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should
remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all
wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence. "I think I'd throw up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one
of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the
youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about
the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much
practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the
kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation,
Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the
microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all
I need to know."
UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always
paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One
day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his
daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to
help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says
your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does
she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless
every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and
past). For several weeks after we had finished the nightly prayer,
Kelli would say, "And all girls." It soon became part of her nightly
routine to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I
asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"
Her response: "Because everybody else always finishes their prayers by
saying 'All Men'!"
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
grandmother's house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started to eat right away.
"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother. "I
don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer
before eating at our house."
"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house,
and she knows how to cook.
* * * * * * * * * *
SAME SEX MARRIAGE
Two elderly ladies (Gladys and Francis) were sitting on a park bench
discussing current topics:
And another thing, Francis, all this talk about same sex marriage…..
I just don’t see what the big deal is!
Harvey and I have been having the same sex for 54 years, and to tell
you the truth, it isn’t worth getting all upset over.
* * * * * * * * * *
A Written Response to Dr. Laura
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US
man, and posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative.
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of
debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord -Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’
of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and
unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum,
Instruction, and Special Education, University of Virginia
* * * * * * * * * *
English as a second language
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his
Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives
when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to
speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree
and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is
a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he
hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a
couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills
them both.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent
years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each
other, so how could he just up and kill these 2 people?
The chief replied,
"My bike."
Enjoy your day and remember to be careful when riding somebody else's bike.
* * * * * * * * * *
What would you do with this prize?
Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest: Each
morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for
your use.
However, this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules.
The first set of rules would be:
Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.
You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
You may only spend it.
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another
$86,400.00 for that day.
The second set of rules:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time
It can say, it’s over, the game is over! It can close the account and
you will not receive a new one.
What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for
yourself, but for all people you love, right? Even for people you
don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself,
right? You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, right?
ACTUALLY This GAME is REALITY!
Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem
to see it.
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life,
And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.
Yesterday is forever gone.
Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your
account at any time....WITHOUT WARNING.
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in money.
Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker
than you think.
So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and enjoy life!
Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day.
Start spending wisely, as too many seconds have already passed by.
* * * * * * * * * *
It’s time for the TGIF Golden Classic for this week. An oldie – but goodie!
Accident Lawsuit
A Minnesota farmer named Olie had a car accident. He was hit by a
truck owned by the Eversweet Company. Olie decided to sue.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him
thus: 'Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine?"
Olie responded: 'vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust
loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '
'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'?'
Olie said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas
drivin' down da road.... ' the lawyer interrupted again and said,
'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of
the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I
believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Olie's answer and
said to the attorney: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite cow, Bessie'.
Olie said: 'Tank you' and proceeded. 'vell as I vas saying, I had yust
loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her
down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering
tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was
trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch.
By yimminy yahosaphat I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to
move. An even vurse dan dat, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a
groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He
could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to
her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his
gun and shot her right between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me,
and said, 'How are you feelin'?'
'Now wot da fock vud you say?'
* * * * * * * * * *
Just enough time left to wish you a fantastic Friday and a wonderful
weekend, as usual. The weather here looks very good for the next
days so I hope to finish planting a small garden and some flower beds. And go on a few bike rides and walk a few links.
Until the next time, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. But if you do, be careful!
TGI-Jeff
