Greetings from yours truly on this Friday, the “Ides of March”. Apparently, in the years before the modern calendar, when months (a word from “moon”) were determined by the moon, the ides of the month was the day of the full moon. (I think I got that right, but, if not, let me know!) Not so this time. The Islamic month of Ramadan has just begun with the sighting of the crescent moon over the weekend. And this “moon month” will end will a full solar eclipse that will be seen in totality in a line from the Mexico/Texas border across the Midwest up through northern Vermont and southeastern Canada on April 8th. Dianne and I are shopping for those solar glasses that will protect us from eye damage. I’m trying to convince her that we should drive up to the area of totality. But, thousands of other people probably have the same idea. So, I’m not so sure.
Some of you scoffed at my suggestion in last week’s issue that you get up at 2 am on Sunday morning and move your clocks forward to 3 am. One of my good friends emailed me that he moved his clock forward an hour when he went to bed and then missed his tee time on Sunday morning because he was in England, and they didn’t move to Daylight Savings Time last weekend. You just can’t win, can you!!! I am beginning to think that we should all do like Arizona and just keep the same time all year. In fact, I learned the other day that the day after the Spring time change is “National Nap Day”. You heard about the two pilots on the airline last week that fell asleep for a while and the plane drifted off course. See? This time change isn’t really working. I doubt that we’re saving much energy from it anymore. It just seems to cause more and more problems.
Well, it continues to be one of the warmest winters on record. We’ve had sun and high temperatures all week (like 20 to 30 degrees F higher than average). Dianne and I visited a sugar house last week, as they were boiling the new sap down. Normally, they used to start this process at the end of March, when the nights were still cold and the days warmer (which generates the flow of the sap). For the last several years, they have begun in February. I even heard on the radio (Vermont Public, of course) that some areas of Vermont started in December and January.
Not much family news to report this time. I am looking forward to the Taft-Dick gathering in San Diego for a week near the end of April. And in August, there will be the every other year Taft family reunion in Shrewsbury Vermont that I always look forward to.
I’m starting to scrape the bottom of the tgif barrel. I need more contributions. I get a lot of stuff on pdf files and such, which I cannot just “cut and paste” like I can with normal stuff. I also get cartoons, and posters and other stuff. If you really want me to use what you send, try to put it into a format that I can easily use. I’m not going to spend my Thursday nights typing out stuff that isn’t.
Let’s start off with a very touching account of a woman giving the eulogy at her husband’s funeral:
The Wife’s Eulogy
A wife's eulogy at her husband's funeral: "Norman needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was. They urgently needed to know, to save Norman's life. Tragically, I had never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye. I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was. Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, "Be positive, be positive!" That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."
* * * * * * * *
What Is Important
The first testicular guard, the “cup”, was initially used in ice hockey in 1874. The first helmet was used in the NHL in 1974.
That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain was also important.
* * * * * * * *
Brewmaster Convention
There was a convention for brewers, and brewmasters from around the world attended. At the end of the convention, a few of the brew masters headed to a local tavern together. The bartender came around to take their orders. |
The first to order was the brew master from Budweiser. He tells the bartender, “I’ll have the king of beers! One Budweiser please.” |
The second was the brew master from Coors. He tells the bartender, “I’ll have the only beer brewed with pure Rocky Mountain spring water! One Coors please.” |
The third was the brew master from Miller. He tells the bartender, “I’ll have the champagne of beers!” One Miller please.” |
The fourth was the brew master from Guinness. He tells the bartender, “I’ll have a Coke”. |
The other brew masters look at him astonished. “Aren’t you going to order a Guinness?” one asked. |
The brew master from Guinness replies, “I figured if none of you were going to drink beer, I wouldn’t either.” |
* * * * * * * *
Gotcha!
A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouted: "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "what would you do?"
The cabby said, "I'd cover his a** up with that blanket before he catches a cold."
* * * * * * * *
Your Yearly Dementia Test
Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert.
If you don’t use it, you will lose it!!!
Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test.
Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
Take this test to determine if you’re losing it or not.
The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve answered.
OK, RELAX, clear your mind and begin.
#1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else.
And, try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question #2.
# 2. Say 'silk' ten times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.
Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.
Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World.
However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.
# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this??? PLEASE, go lie down!
But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.
# 4. Please do not use a calculator for this for it would be cheating:
You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.
Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!
* * * * * * * *
Breast Fed or Bottle Fed?
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
Finally, the doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Well! We'll have to check you out. Alright then, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She undressed and the doctor began his exam. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. He frowned, then continued squeezing and pressing for a few more minutes.
Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight - you don't have any milk!"
"I know," she said. "I'm his Grandma; but I'm certainly glad I came."
* * * * * * * *
It’s time for the TGIF Golden Classic
Fascinate
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said,
“My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said,
“That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating’.”
Sally raised her hand. She said,
“My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said,
“Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
* * * * * * * *
March Madness is approaching. That is the time of the NCAA men’s college basketball tournament. But also the women. I’ve been following both the UCONN men’s and women’s teams and will be routing them in in this next 3 weeks. The Big East tournament is on now in Madison Square Garden where UCONN will play St. Johns tonight and Providence will probably play Marquette. I’d like to see the UCONN men go all the way again this year. Their women will not likely make it to the Final Four but still have a good team that is always fun to watch.
I guess that’s all for now. Have a fantastic Friday and a wonderful weekend! Let’s see if I can keep this streak going. But it all depends on you all!
TGI-Jeff
