Greetings once again as this week draws to a close and we can enjoy a summer weekend with friends and family, hopefully. When this whole saga started about 5 months ago, I thought that it would be over by July and things back to normal by now. So little did anyone know!
Our brave state of Vermont has managed it really well, by comparison with other states. The governor put in an obligatory wearing of masks in public places (indoors) starting August 1st, which is good. I don’t understand how this pandemic in the USA has become so politicized. I read somewhere the other day that the USA used to be admired by countries all over the world and that today we are pitied.
Former WFP Executive Director (1992-2002), Catherine Bertini, who lives in upstate New York, has organized a monthly zoom meeting of retired WFP staff who were active in WFP under her leadership (and other friends of WFP during those years). These started on the first of May and have continued on the first day of each month since then. It’s been so nice to see these former colleagues who live all over the world and hear about the interesting things that they are doing.
Each time there is a slightly different group of attendees (usually between 25 and 30) and it’s been good to be in touch and see that they are well and enjoying life.
I had an interesting experience on Monday of this week. I had a teeth cleaning a few weeks ago and the dentist recommended that I get a mouth guard to wear during the night. So, on Monday I went back to have impressions taken to order one for me. The assistant filled my teeth and gum area with that gooey stuff that hardens in little time and then put the molds in, first the uppers and then the lowers. She had difficulty pulling the uppers out and it was a bit disconcerting. Then, when she tried to get the lowers out, she almost could not. They were stuck in place and all the yanking and pulling was not working. Finally, she yanked it out and I felt relieved, until I realized that it seemed I had a hole between a few teeth. I asked her if a tooth came out. She confirmed that it was the crown on the implant that was put in last year. So, she called the dentist and explained what happened. He came in to speak to me and assure me that all would be okay and that he was going to clean the area and insert the crown back in place. All went well. However, I have to admit that this episode did not leave a “good impression”.
WARNING!
Do NOT let the supermarket staff scan your forehead to take your temperature!
It erases your memory.
My wife asked me to get some bread and milk and I came home with whiskey, wine and some chips instead!!!
* * * * * * * *
I just would like some ice cream . . .
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, “Arthritis”.
* * * * * * * *
Several of you have forwarded to me the following which is all about phrases written on T-shirts for seniors. I’d like to buy and wear a few of these.
T-Shirts for Seniors
IF I SAY I WILL DO IT,
I WILL DO IT!
NO NEED TO REMIND ME
EVERY 6 MONTHS.
* * *
When I was a KID
I wanted to be older . . .
This CRAP is NOT
what I expected
* * *
I THOUGHT
GROWING OLD
WOULD TAKE
LONGER
* * *
OF COURSE
SIZE MATTERS.
NO ONE WANTS
A SMALL GLASS
OF WINE.
* * *
TO ME
“DRINK RESPONSIBLY”
MEANS DON’T SPILL IT.
* * * *
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO TRUST YOU WHEN
YOU KEEP RUNNING AWAY
EVERYTIME I UNTIE YOU.
* * * *
PUBS
THE OFFICIAL SUNBLOCK
OF IRELAND
* * * *
NEVER LAUGH AT YOUR
WIFE’S CHOICES
You are one of them.
* * * *
MY WIFE SAYS THAT
I ONLY HAVE 2 FAULTS.
I DON’T LISTEN AND
SOMETHING ELSE . . .
* * * *
MY BODY IS A
TEMPLE
Ancient and Crumbling
Probably Cursed or Haunted
* * * *
SCIENTISTS SAY THE
UNIVERSE IS MADE UP
OF PROTONS, NEUTRONS,
AND ELECTRONS.
They forgot to mention Morons.
* * * *
DOES RUNNING FROM
MY RESPONSIBILITIES
COUNT AS CARDIO???
(Reminds me that I used to tell my Mom that she needed to get some more exercise; because jumping to conclusions was the only thing she did!)
* * * *
I MAY BE WRONG,
BUT I DOUBT IT!!!
* * * *
AT MY FUNERAL
TAKE THE BOUQUET
OFF MY COFFIN AND
THROW IT INTO THE CROWD
TO SEE WHO IS NEXT
* * * *
BUY THE SHOES,
NO POINT IN BEING
THE RICHEST ONE
IN THE CEMETERY.
* * * *
My heart says
Chocolate and wine
but my jeans say,
for the love of god
woman, eat a salad!
* * * *
And finally,
A little gray hair
Is a small price
to pay for
all this wisdom!
* * * * * * * *
The Origin of Some Well-Known Phrases
1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence, we have 'the rule of thumb.'
2. Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...
Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander the Great,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
6. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
7. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
8. In 1696, William III of England introduced a property tax that required those living in houses with more than six windows to pay a levy. In order to avoid the tax, house owners would brick up all windows except six. (The Window Tax lasted until 1851, and older houses with bricked-up windows are still a common sight in the U.K.) As the bricked-up windows prevented some rooms from receiving any sunlight, the tax was referred to as “daylight robbery”!
TGIF Editor’s comment: Don’t believe everything you read in these pages.
* * * * * * * *
The Clever Cop
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real mouthy jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So, the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket, he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.
The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy, points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.
Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH”, underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.”
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”
~~~~ How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client?! ~~~~
* * * * * * * *
Last week I shared a story about the backstory of the Simon & Garfunkel song (The Sounds of Silence) and I got a lot of comments from many of you about that one. The same friend who sent me that has now sent me this one below, about the backstory of Let It Be.
The story behind Paul McCartney's LET IT BE! In his own words:
I was going through a really difficult time around the autumn of 1968. It was late in the Beatles’ career and we had begun making a new album, a follow-up to the “White Album.” As a group we were starting to have problems. I think I was sensing the Beatles were breaking up, so I was staying up late at night, drinking, doing drugs, clubbing, the way a lot of people were at the time. I was really living and playing hard.
The other guys were all living out in the country with their partners, but I was still a bachelor in London with my own house in St. John’s Wood. And that was kind of at the back of my mind also, that maybe it was about time I found someone, because it was before I got together with Linda.
So, I was exhausted! Some nights I’d go to bed and my head would just flop on the pillow; and when I’d wake up I’d have difficulty pulling it off, thinking, “Good job I woke up just then or I might have suffocated.”
Then one night, somewhere between deep sleep and insomnia, I had the most comforting dream about my mother, who died when I was only 14. She had been a nurse, my mum, and very hardworking, because she wanted the best for us. We weren’t a well-off family- we didn’t have a car, we just about had a television – so both of my parents went out to work, and Mum contributed a good half to the family income. At night when she came home, she would cook, so we didn’t have a lot of time with each other. But she was just a very comforting presence in my life. And when she died, one of the difficulties I had, as the years went by, was that I couldn’t recall her face so easily. That’s how it is for everyone, I think. As each day goes by, you just can’t bring their face into your mind, you have to use photographs and reminders like that.
So in this dream twelve years later, my mother appeared, and there was her face, completely clear, particularly her eyes, and she said to me very gently, very reassuringly: “Let it be.”
It was lovely. I woke up with a great feeling. It was really like she had visited me at this very difficult point in my life and gave me this message: Be gentle, don’t fight things, just try and go with the flow and it will all work out.
So, being a musician, I went right over to the piano and started writing a song: “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me”… Mary was my mother’s name… “Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.” There will be an answer, let it be.” It didn’t take long. I wrote the main body of it in one go, and then the subsequent verses developed from there: “When all the broken-hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.”
I thought it was special, so I played it to the guys and ’round a lot of people, and later it also became the title of the album, because it had so much value to me, and because it just seemed definitive, those three little syllables. Plus, when something happens like that, as if by magic, I think it has a resonance that other people notice too.
Not very long after the dream, I got together with Linda, which was the saving of me. And it was as if my mum had sent her, you could say.
The song is also one of the first things Linda and I ever did together musically. We went over to Abbey Road Studios one day, where the recording sessions were in place. I lived nearby and often used to just drop in when I knew an engineer would be there and do little bits on my own. And I just thought, “Oh it would be good to try harmony in mind, and although Linda wasn’t a professional singer, I’d heard her sing around the house, and knew she could hold a note and sing that high.
So she tried it, and it worked and it stayed on the record. You can hear it to this day.
These days, the song has become almost like a hymn. We sang it at Linda’s memorial service. And after September 11 the radio played it a lot, which made it the obvious choice for me to sing when I did the benefit concert in New York City. Even before September 11th, people used to lean out of cars and trucks and say, “Yo, Paul, let it be.”
So those words are really very special to me, because not only did my mum come to me in a dream and reassure me with them at a very difficult time in my life – and sure enough, things did get better after that – but also, in putting them into a song, and recording it with the Beatles, it became a comforting, healing statement for other people too.
– Paul McCartney
* * * * * * * *
I’m starting to begrudge the noticeable shortening of the days now. My idea of a nice summer evening here is to do burgers or steaks and fresh corn on the grill in the backyard. But, it’s getting dark too soon. Thankfully, I have a motion detection light that comes on when I wave my arms. Can’t believe this is already happening and the COVID-19 is still with us.
I have been getting out for some exercise on the local golf course this summer, usually playing twice per week. Last Friday, playing with 3 good friends, I shot my lowest score ever, first time to break 80, with a 79. Only one double bogey and I think I had one birdie and about 9 pars. I can’t complain.
What a beautiful day we had in Vermont today (Thursday) as it was very cool in the morning and never got too hot, always with a nice breeze and lots of sunshine.
This week (the 6th and the 9th) are the anniversaries (75 years) of the dropping of the first atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. So sad that so many innocent lives were lost then.
Enjoy what’s left of summer and have a spectacular weekend.
TGI-Jeff
