Greetings from the Friday guy from Vermont, where it is finally starting to warm up a bit. I spent last week on a trip to Grinnell, Iowa, where I attended my 45th cluster reunion. We “clustered” with the classes of 1972 and 1974, around my class of 1973. I can’t believe it’s 5 years until my 50th reunion! Of course, that means my 50th high school reunion here in Springfield is next year. I drove out and back and it was about 2700 miles in all. I stayed on the way out and back with great friends, Tod and Robyn, in Dublin Ohio. Tod even got us tickets to see the Pro-Am day tourney as part of the Jack Nicklaus Memorial Tournament there in Dublin. So, I saw all of the big players on that day. Peyton Manning played with Tiger Woods that day.
The Reunion was great! So fun to be back in Iowa and on the Grinnell campus where I spent 4 very important years of my life. There were lots of panel discussions and other activities and the band that played back in the early 70s on campus (Independent 398) played in our dorm lounge on both Friday and Saturday nights. As part of my job as class agent, I volunteered to be the “Lounge Chair” – which meant organizing beer and wine for all of the cluster group. I just loved the name “Lounge Chair”!
We missed you Mitch and hope you are feeling better! It was a great reunion and would have been better if you had been there. Your Pioneer talk was great and so were the others! Dave did a great job as well, as did Marilyn. I was also very pleased to see Barry Huff and Kit Gage receive the alumni awards from our class and cluster!
I’m just back here in Vermont for a week to wash some clothes, play some golf and repack my bags for a 2 week trip to Italy and France. My niece is getting married in Todi (Umbria) on June 16th and that is the reason for our trip. Looking forward to that wedding and seeing Taft family relatives and my kids. Then, after that weekend, Evelyn and I are going up to France for a week or so to visit Aix-en-provence and surroundings (Avignon, Arles, etc.). Looking forward to that! Looking forward to seeing Peter and Jan during that trip as well!
While at Grinnell, my good friend Dave Gitlin spotted a grafiti on a wall and wrote it down for me and when he gave it to me, said that I would no doubt use it sooner or later. So, sooner it is:
There are two secrets to success in life:
1. Don’t say everything you know.
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It’s All In The Delivery!
WNBC: “Trooper Michael Patterson stopped Michael Bailly for a minor motor vehicle violation on June 1 in the Kingwood Township area [in New Jersey], and as the two men spoke, Bailly mentioned that he used to be an officer in Piscataway. … Patterson told him that he grew up on Poe Place. Bailly recalled Poe Place well; back in October 1991, when he was a rookie cop, he helped deliver a baby there. The mother had been out shopping when she went into labor and barely made it home before the baby arrived. The baby’s father rushed outside and carried her into the house, then called their doctor, who talked Bailly through the birth. … Patterson extended his hand to Bailly. ‘My name is Michael Patterson, sir. Thank you for delivering me,’ the trooper said. Needless to say, the trooper, the retired officer and both their families were ecstatic about the reunion… Bailly never got that ticket for the minor violation, state police said.”
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Little Blue Pill
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.
The pharmacist asked, "How many?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces.”
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy."
The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm over eighty years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore.
I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes.”
The pharmacist asked, "How many?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces.”
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy."
The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm over eighty years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore.
I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes.”
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Ku Klux Clan Member?
An Alabama Pastor Was Rumoured To Be A Ku Klux Klan Member
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,
"Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
Life is short, smile while you still have teeth, and give me an Amen!
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Shaman Me – Shaman You
Harper’s Bazaar: “In a turn of events that read like an episode of Charmed, it's been revealed that Louis Vuitton employs a professional shaman (or wizard of good and evil spirits) from Brazil to ensure the weather at their [annual outdoor fashion shows] always remains impeccable. Who would've thought? According to The Guardian, the unidentified shaman also commanded the weather at LV's Cruise shows in Rio and Kyoto. While menacing clouds threatened for the duration of the show, rain did indeed hold off—unlike Dior's outdoor Cruise 2019 show in Chantilly, which fell victim to an unfortunate downpour. Vogue Runway also reported that the Brazilian-based shaman flies only private, and commands a six-figure fee for ensuring the weather remains precipitation-free. And, just when we thought we'd heard it all, the shaman reportedly worked his magic at Meghan and Harry's Windsor Castle nuptials last month (resulting in beaming sunlight all day long).”
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THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
'Good trade.....'
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Oldies but Goodies
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
- George Burns
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500."
- Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
- Camille Paglia
(I thought it was Bob Hope who had said that!)
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
- Sharon Stone
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
- Tiger Woods
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
- Jack Nicholson
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
- Robin Williams
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
- Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
- Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!"
- Jerry Seinfeld
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
- Robin Williams
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
- Joan Rivers
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.
- Steve Martin
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde
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It’s Time for the TGIF Golden Classic:
Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol
Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.
Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol:
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
Here's her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!
Just one shot to my estranged husband's kneecap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus!”
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I’m looking forward to the Italy/France trip and so – after the last joke – I can say “See you Later Alligator!”
Have a nice summer solstice and beware of any sunburns! Wear sunscreen!
Enjoy the weather wherever you are! I’m suffering from the pollen allergies right now and hope they are about to end. They get worse as I age, it seems.
Take care and be good! I’ll be away for a few weeks. I’d have liked to visit WFP HQ while in Rome, but it seems that the Muslim holiday Eid-il-Fitr is on the Friday, June 15th when I’ll be in Rome. Too bad. Myabe on our return on June 27th. Hope so!
Until the next time, stay healthy and be nice!
TGI-Jeff
