Greetings from the U.S. northeast where the fall foliage was not as spectacular as last year and was about 2 weeks later in reaching its peak this year. In fact, that happened only about a week ago. A lot of leaves have fallen from the trees in the last few days as we have had 48 hours of rain, after not having any for quite a long spell.
So, there are lots of leaves on the ground that need to be attended to in the next days. We’ve had a pretty warm September and October and it looks like only now the temperatures will return to the normal, seasonal ones. Nobody that I know has been complaining.
I’m glad to hear from many of you that continue to enjoy the TGIF and my writings about Vermont and family things. I know that some of you like the jokes and skip all my long introductions with things of VT and family. I don’t take offense to that. I know others skip the jokes and just like getting updates on the family, and so forth. So, I guess there is something here for many of you. (I don’t mean to pat myself on the back – just sharing what some of you have expressed to me. Besides, without your contributions, I would not be able to do this, and so those are especially appreciated; and I am simply the “vessel” through which this necessary humor flows!)
My daughter Joya has started a project, writing a book about her mother’s life, in order to tell a story that her Mom never got to relate. So, she is starting to interview lots of people we have known over the years. Some of you will be talking to her about this and if you read this, and haven’t yet been contacted by her, feel free to do so, or contact her through me.
It reminds me that I also need to write down all my life’s adventures and stories that I love to tell, but have yet to put in writing. I should do so before I forget all of it!!!
And thanks to those of you Facebook Friends who sent me birthday greetings last week. I am definitely a Libra (even though I was “due” on 15 September 1950) and unfortunately for my Mom, I was not only one month overdue, but weighed 11 pounds at birth. It’s hard to believe that I am 2/3 through a century! Just like the cricket score: 67 and not out!
Some of you, but certainly not all of you, are aware of the major national flap over the fact that some NFL players (mostly Black players) have been kneeling during the playing of the national anthem to protest the killing of black men by police and other cases of unequal treatment of minority groups in our American society. Our president thinks that this is a disgrace, that these men are dishonoring our flag and the service men and women who protect us, and he encouraged NFL Team Owners to fine or fire these players. It just so happened that while Trump was tweeting all of this anger, hurricane Maria was devastating the Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico. So, the president got a lot of flack for that from the media. So, then he wanted to revoke the licenses (broadcasting) of some of that media. Anyway, the following piece gives some more examples of the NFL’s strange policy guidance over the last several years.
In 2012 the NFL had an issue with Tim Tebow kneeling for each game to pray. They also had an issue with Tebow wearing John 3:16 on his eye blackout tape to avoid glare and made him remove it. In 2013 the NFL fined Brandon Marshall for wearing green cleats to raise awareness for people with mental health disorders. In 2014 Robert Griffin III (RG3) entered a post-game press conference wearing a shirt with "Know Jesus, Know Peace" but was forced to turn it inside out by an NFL uniform inspector before speaking at the podium. In 2015 De Angelo Williams was fined for wearing "Find the Cure" eye black for breast cancer awareness. In 2015 William Gay was fined for wearing purple cleats to raise awareness for domestic violence. (not that the NFL has a domestic violence problem...) In 2016 the NFL prevented the Dallas Cowboys from wearing a decal on their helmet in honor of 5 Dallas Police officers killed in the line of duty. In 2016 the NFL threatened to fine players who wanted to wear cleats to commemorate the 15th anniversary of 9/11. The NFL suddenly supports free speech and expression?
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Bragging Doctors
A British doctor brags to colleagues: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we removed a man's backbone, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he was looking for work."
The German surgeon replies; “In Germany we removed a section of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he too is looking for work."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took a beating heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he started a new job."
The American doctor sighs, saying; "You are all still behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no backbone and he got a job overnight, as our President."
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Here’s a story I heard on National Public Radio the other day.
A Modest Life is a Happy Life
“[At] Tokyo’s Imperial Hotel [in 1922], a courier came to the door to make a delivery. The courier either refused a tip or [Albert Einstein] had no small change, but Einstein wanted to give the messenger something nonetheless. So on a piece of hotel stationery, Einstein wrote in German his theory of happiness: ‘A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.’ … He told the bellhop to save the notes — they just might be valuable in the future. And indeed they were. In an auction in Jerusalem on Tuesday, the note on happiness sold to an anonymous European bidder for $1.56 million. … The seller of the Imperial Hotel notes is reportedly a grandson of the Japanese bellboy’s brother who lives in Germany. It turns out Einstein’s theory of valuation was right on the money: ‘They are very, very happy,’ [a spokeswoman for the auction house] told the Times.”
It was also stated that it was a few months before Einstein won a Nobel Prize and when he had very little money.
(Thanks to Tim C. for forwarding this.)
It reminds me of the old expression: “Money Isn’t Everything”! To which Alfred E. Newman commented, “But it’s way ahead of whatever is in second place!”
What? Me Worry? J
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The Drunk Pedestrian
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank God, I thought I was crippled."
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The Little Train Operator
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop!
And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."
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The Meaning of Political Correctness
What is meant by the modern term referred to as "POLITICAL CORRECTNESS"...
The definition is found in 4 telegrams at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence, Missouri.
The following are copies of four telegrams between President Harry Truman and General Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the WWII Surrender Agreement in September 1945.
The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received at the end of the war - not a word has been added or deleted!
(1) Tokyo, Japan 0800 - September 1,1945
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow-bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions?
(2) Washington, D C 1300 - September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press,because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!
(3) Tokyo, Japan 1630 - September 1, 1945
To: H S Truman
From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz
Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?
(4) Washington, D C 2120 - September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!
Now, with special thanks to the Truman Museum and Harry himself, you and I finally have a full understanding of what 'POLITICAL CORRECTNESS' really means…..
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Irish Divorce
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened?"
"I'll tell you what happened! I sent an e-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip."
"I get home...And guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed!"
"This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done.. I'm leaving forever!"
"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened?"
"I'll tell you what happened! I sent an e-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip."
"I get home...And guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed!"
"This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done.. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing!" "There must be a simple explanation.
I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Paddy, there I told you there must be a simple explanation.............
She never got your e-mail"
She never got your e-mail"
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And speaking of the funny Irish …..
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV.
Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?"
"Do what?" asked Mick.
"Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy, rainin?, snowin?, hailin? Why would they torture themselves like that?"
"Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick,
"You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros."
"Yeah, I understand that." said Seamus,
"But why do all the others do it?"
(TGIF editor’s comment: He makes sense, doesn’t he?!!!)
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The Church Organist
There was a small church in Texas that had a very big-busted organist.
Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week!
The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Due to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.
There was a small church in Texas that had a very big-busted organist.
Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week!
The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Due to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.
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And that reminds me of the old one: Why was Bach considered such a great organist? Because he had 12 children!
Okay. That’s enough raunchy jokes for one day and one week! Just be glad that is Friday! Thank God! Now, you can start looking forward to the weekend. Make good use of it! And be sure not to do anything that I wouldn’t do! Whatever that means!!!
Have a great weekend! Until the next time, peace!
TGI-Jeff
