TGIF - 30 June 2017

Greetings from your Friday guy on this last Friday of the first half of the year 2017! It’s hard to believe that half of the year is already come and gone. Hope you can enjoy the second half of this year!

I have learned this week that the 50^th anniversary of the ATM is this week. Do you know what ATM stands for? I bet you don’t! I can think of the girl who wondered why her father had no money asked him why he just didn’t go to the ATM and take out some money. ATM stands for Automated Teller Machine and it was created 50 years ago this week.

Another milestone this week is that the first iPhone was produced 10 years ago this week.

Can we live without smart phones?

I am looking forward to the Fourth of July weekend. Our golf club is hosting a Fireworks special on Saturday, the second. It was great last year and hope that the weather cooperates this year to have another great year.

Let’s see what I have to offer this week.

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Have you heard the one about how World War I got started because of a young man’s appetite for an early lunch? On the 103^rd anniversary of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife, a shooting that set off the most terrible war in human history, we point you back to Mike Dash’s superb debunking of a persistent historical myth. Smithsonian: “Yet it might never have happened–we’re now told– had Gavrilo Princip not got hungry for a sandwich. … It’s an account that, while respectful of the significance of Franz Ferdinand’s death, hooks pupils’ attention by stressing a tiny, awe-inspiring detail: that if Princip had not stopped to eat a sandwich where he did, he would never have been in the right place to spot his target. No sandwich, no shooting. No shooting, no war. … And by portraying the assassination of Franz Ferdinand as a piece of outrageous coincidence, the story of Gavrilo Princip’s sandwich makes it seem far less important to think deeply about the killer and his companions, and about their motives and determination.”

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What’s For Lunch?

  

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.   

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.' 

The blond guy opened his lunch and said, 'Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.' 

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.   

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped too.

The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.   

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'   

Everyone turned and stared  at the blond guy's wife. The blond guy's wife said, 

'Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!'

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A Complicated Benefits Question in California

Dear Sir,

I have a very complicated benefits question. 

Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an 18-year old daughter. 

After the wedding, my father, a widower, came to visit a number of times, and he fell in love with my step-daughter. 

My father eventually married her without my authorization. 

As a result my step-daughter became my step mother and my father became my son in law. 

My father's wife (also my step daughter) and my step-mother, gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I am the husband of my step daughter's mother. 

This boy is also my brother, as the son of my father. 

As you can see, my wife became a grandmother, because she is the mother of my father's wife. 

Therefore it appears that I am also my wife's grandchild.

A short time after these events, my wife gave birth to a son, who became my father's brother-in-law, the step-son of my father's wife, and my uncle. 

My son is also my step mother’s brother, and through my step-mother, my wife has become a grandmother and I have become my own grandfather. 

In light of the above mentioned, I would like to know the following:

Does my son, who is also my uncle, my father's son-in-law and my step mother's brother fulfil the requirements for receiving childcare benefits? 

Sincerely yours, 

Mohammed Mohammed

THE ANSWER:

Of course you qualify Mohammed! I have arranged to start mailing the checks to all of you just as soon as you arrive here in California.

Yours faithfully,

Jerry Brown

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Trying to persuade a Right Wing Nut Job is like trying to play chess with a pigeon.  No matter how good you are, they’ll knock over half the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like they won.

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AMA & Health Care

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's proposed health care package to replace Obama-care:

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea short sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the ass holes in Washington.

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Okay. It’s time for a few TGIF Golden Classic jokes

Peeing on the Flowers

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.



Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that bag."



Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, officer.


"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that
money? You didn't steal it, did you?"



Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know Then I thought, why not make the best of it?"
"So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with
my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, O.K., Buddy! Give me
$20, or off it comes." "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing.
OK. Good luck!"
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
 “Not everybody pays."

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Important Beliefs

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

               

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked: "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”

                                     

The rabbi responded: "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.”

                                    

The priest then asked: "Have you ever eaten pork?”

                                                   

To which the rabbi replied: “Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”

                                                                               

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

                                                 

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest: "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”

                                   

The priest replied: "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”                              

                                                  

The rabbi then asked him: "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”

                                                                                  

The priest replied: "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.”

                                    

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silently thinking for about five minutes.

                 

Finally, the rabbi said: "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

           

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Just time enough to wish you all a fantastic Friday and a wonderful weekend!

       

TGI-Jeff

TGIF - 09 June 2017

Greetings from the Friday guy. I found a few contributions to use and so I will; despite the fact that I don’t have a lot of new stuff to share. The rain has continued to fall and it’s really getting depressing. I can’t remember a spring that has been this wet!

My kids enjoyed their visit last weekend in San Diego where they spent time with their Aunt Noreen. Wish I could have been there. But glad the all got together.

I’ve been busy planting annual plants in my planters and on my back deck. I’m also now planting some tomatoes and some parsley and cilantro. Look forward to using these in my recipes this summer.

I don’t have a lot of new material, so I will just use what I have.

Miscellaneous

I drink a pint of water before going to bed every night because it gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

I don’t go to reunions anymore. The people there look so old they don’t recognize me.

By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she’s wrong.

I had a really bad day. First, my ex got run over by a bus. Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.

The only time the word incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.

There was a man whose wife was having her stomach stapled. He asked the doctor if he could do her tongue while he’s at it.

A wife said her husband always had a lazy eye, but now it has started to spread to the rest of his body.

Hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.

There are times not to flirt: when you’re sick, when you’re with children, and when you’re on the witness stand.

Problems:

The problem is that the key to success doesn’t always fit your ignition.

You’ve got a problem when your dentist tells you that you need a bridge and you can’t afford to pay his toll.

Sign on a chaplain’s desk: ‘If you have problems, tell me about them. If you don’t, tell me how you do it’

If you could kick the fellow responsible for most of your problems, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month.

You know it’s going to be a bad week when the boss mails you the want ads.

Teenagers, tired of being hassled by your uneducated parents? Act now, move out, get a job. Pay your own bills while you still know everything.

The Engineer

An Engineer dies... and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! “

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him.”

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue.”

"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"

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The  Haircut

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when  they could discuss his use of the car.

   

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a  B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair  cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

   

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.

   

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've  observed that you have been studying your Bible, but  I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

   

The boy said,  "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my  studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

   

Love the Dad's reply!

   

"Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?

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American Baseball

An Irishman moves to the USA, and finally attends his first baseball game.

The first batter approached the batters' box, took a few swings, and then hits a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "Run, Run".

The next batter hits a single and the Irishman listened as the crowd again cheered, "RUN, RUN"!! The Irishman enjoyed the game, and began screaming with the fans.

The fifth batter came up, and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk", and the batter started his slow trot to first base.

The Irishman stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run, ye lazy bastard, run!" The people around him began laughing.  Embarrassed, the Irishman sat back down.

A friendly fan noted the man's embarrassment, leaned over and explained, "He can't run, he's got four balls."

The Irishman stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, lad."

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An elderly couple were at home watching TV.

Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel… you know how to fish!"

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Time for the TGIF Golden Classic!

John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. They loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for

a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 

  

‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.' 

  

'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. 

  

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed

a great weekend of golf.  But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend. 

  

He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?” 

  

‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn.  'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?' 

  

'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.' 

  

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?' 

  

Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy I'm afraid I did.  Why do you ask?' 

  

‘She just died and left me everything.'

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Hope you all have a nice weekend. Be sure to send good ones my way.

Cheers!

TGI-Jeff

TGIF - 02 June 2017

Greetings from the TGIF corner here in Springfield, Vermont, where we’ve been having a very cool and wet spring. The downside is that it is raining frequently. The upside is that everything is green and growing. I bought my usual amount of annual plants last week and planted them in my whiskey barrels and deck boxes and pottery pots and scattered them all around. I love all the colors. And each year, as I learn more about perennials and when they bloom, I have tried to have some that are taking turns blooming throughout the summer. It’s like an orchestra where each instrument gets its’ turn to shine. I also have some friendly birds that have nested around here. A nice pair of cardinals and some feebies (sp?) and a few others. I’ve seen some small hawks around here and a few weeks ago, I saw a bald eagle fly over my house. A few years ago I had a robin make a nest on top of the outdoor motion detection light. But it hasn’t come back there since. The warmth of the light coming on each time the female flew into the nest must have been nice; but the constant light coming on wasn’t probably so good for the babies. Plus all the humans making noise on the back deck very nearby was not likely appreciated.

Despite the wet weather, I have managed to play some golf – although my feet get wet sloshing through the spongy course. We are wondering if it is ever going to dry out. We hit balls right down the middle of the fairway and have to look for them as they “plug” in the wet ground. We have to look for a little white and then dig the ball out. Fun!

This week I played on Tuesday morning in my senior men’s group. Due to the damp and cool weather, only 5 showed up and we played the last 5 holes in a steady drizzle. Then, on Wednesday evening in the Men’s League (9 holes) it was “iffy” as some severe thunderstorms with hail came through the area. We missed the most of it and played through it.

I’ve also been biking to get in shape for three sponsored rides that I’ll be taking part in this summer. One in late June; one in early July and the one at Harpoon in early August. I’ve been doing training rides on all the hills around here of 20 or 25 or 30 miles. By next week, I should be doing 40 and 50 mile day rides. The three rides this summer that I’ve signed up for are all 50 milers. I see that my brother, for some unknown reason, is going to do the Iowa RAGBRAI ride again this summer at the end of July. He’s already done it several times (at least 4 or 5) and I thought he wasn’t going to do it again. Maybe he has a bunch of friends who are doing it this year.

My three kids have all gathered in San Diego for this weekend. Joya and Christopher went out there from DC and Jonathan from Broolkyn. My sister Noreen is hosting them and my youngest son, Phil, lives nearby and will join them. I should have joined them too, but I didn’t get organized in time. Hope they have a great weekend. It also happened to be my eldest’s 35^th birthday today. Happy Birthday Jonathan!

That’s probably a longer introduction than most of you desire. However, I know some of you only read the introductory paragraphs; while others of you just skip over this “stuff” and go straight the jokes. To each his or her own!!!

Given the dominance of golf in my life at present, I’m pleased to start off today with 3 golf jokes sent in by an old college friend of Pam’s.

Jesus and Moses Play a Round of Golf

Jesus and Moses are playing golf. On the 5th hole, a shot over water to an island green, Moses hits his 6-iron and it lands perfectly on the green. Jesus takes out his 7-iron and begins tee-ing it up.

Moses says: “The 7 isn’t enough club. It’ll go in the water”

Jesus replies: “If Arnie Palmer can do it, I can do it.”

He swings the 7 and sure enough, right in the drink. He tees up a second ball and grabs his 7-iron again. Once again Moses reminds him of his previous attempt and Jesus says, “If Arnie Palmer can do it, I can do it.”

“PLOP” in the water it goes again. He continues this until he has hit all his golf balls into the water.

At this point, he begins walking out on the water looking down to locate his lost golf balls. The foursome behind them approaches the tee, spots Jesus out on the lake and says to Moses,

“Hey, who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?”

Moses replies, “No, He think he’s Arnie Palmer.”

Play It As It Lies

Bill and Ralph, both of equal ability, decide to have a round together and “play it as it lies” on all shots. Both hit their tee shots on the par-5 first hole down the middle and about 260. They drive up for the second shot, and the Bill hits his shot down the middle for an easy approach. However, Ralph slices his over the trees and it ends up on the cart path of the adjoining hole.

“Guess I get a free drop from the cart path,” he says.

“Oh no,” says Bill, “We agreed. Play it as it lies.”

So, Ralph drives Bill up to his ball in front of the green, drops him off and drives over to his ball on the cart path. Bill watches in amusement as sparks shower down from the practice swings of his opponent. Then, his jaw dropped in amazement as a perfectly struck shot lands on the green and rolls to within 3 inches of the cup.

Ralph drives back to the green where Bill says, “Great shot back there! What club did you use?”

Ralph responds, “Your six iron.”

One Last Golf Joke for Today

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning. He realized that it was an exceptionally beautiful, sunny spring day and decided he just had to play golf. So he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say mass for him as he snuck out of town to a golf course about 40 miles away.

This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church.

At about this time, St. Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from heaven and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball. It shot straight toward the pin, dropped just short of it, and rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 420-yard hole in one.

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?!”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

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There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, lollies -- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.

Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.

"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.

"Not really, Papa, it was boring. We didn't see a single arsehole, poofta, dole-bludging piece of shit, horse's arse, tree hugging socialist left wing green prick, blind bastard, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!  We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."

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The Amazing Human Body 

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. 

One human hair can support 6.6 pounds. 

The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb. 

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. 

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. 

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. 

Women blink twice as often as men. 

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain. 

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. 

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. 

Women : will be finished reading this by now. 

Men: are still busy checking their thumbs. 

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More Interesting Facts

Early aircraft throttles had a ball on the end of it, in order to go
full throttle the pilot had to push the throttle all the way forward
into the wall of the instrument panel. Hence "balls to the wall" for
going very fast. And now you know the rest of the story.



During WWII, U.S. Airplanes were armed with belts of ammo, which they
would shoot during dogfights and on strafing runs. These belts were
folded into the wing compartments that fed their machine guns. These
belts measure 27 feet and contained hundreds of cartridges. Often
times, the pilots would return from their missions having expended all
of their bullets on various targets. They would say, I gave them the
whole nine yards, meaning they used up all of their ammunition.

Did you know the saying "God willing and the creek don't rise" was in
reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water? It was written
by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century. He was a politician and
Indian diplomat. While in the south, Hawkins was requested by the
President of the U.S. To return to Washington . In his response, he
was said to write, "God willing and the Creek don't rise." Because he
capitalized the word "Creek" he was referring to the Creek Indian
tribe and not a body of water.



In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington
showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while
others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters
were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore
painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, 'Okay,
but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.' (Artists know hands and arms
are more difficult to paint.)



As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a
year (May and October). Women kept their hair covered, while men
shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy
men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the
wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the
wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the
wig big and fluffy, hence the term 'big wig'. Today we often use the
term 'here comes the Big Wig' because someone appears to be or is
powerful and wealthy.



In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only
one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and
was used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in the
chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a
guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair
during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in
charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the 'chair man.'
Today in business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman' or
'Chairman of the Board.'

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many
women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their
complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, 'mind your own bee's wax.' Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term 'crack a smile'. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire,
the wax would melt. Therefore, the expression 'losing face.'



Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and
dignified woman, as in 'straight laced' wore a tightly tied lace.



Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the 'Ace
of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards
instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were
thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full
deck.'



Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what
the people considered important. Since there were no telephones,
TV's, radios nor internet, the politicians sent their assistants to
local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to 'go sip some ale and
listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many
assistants were dispatched at different times. 'You go sip here' and
'You go sip there.' The two words 'go sip' were eventually combined
when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term
'gossip.'



At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and
quart-sized containers. A barmaid's job was to keep an eye on the
customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention
and remember who was drinking in 'pints' and who was drinking in
'quarts,' hence the phrase 'minding your 'P's and Q's'.

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The Faith of a Child

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place 

in the closet.  She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the 

back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was 

too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. 

She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. 

Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. 

That did it!

'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in 

the same annoyed tone. 'He's really, really sick....and I want to buy a miracle.'

'I beg your pardon?' said the pharmacist.

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?'

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little.

'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.'

The pharmacist's brother was a well-dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a miracle does your brother need?'

'I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.'

'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago .

'One dollar and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audible.

'And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'

'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.'

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said 'Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need.'

That well-dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew  was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?'

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven  cents...plus the faith of a little child.

In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need.

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

*            *            *            *            *            *            *            *

I recall that June 2^nd was the day that Italy celebrated as its national day. So, I guess it was appropriate that Jonathan shares this celebratory day with the country where he spent his middle school years and one year in his university years studying in Florence.

So, I wish my family good times this weekend in San Diego and the rest of you equally satisfying weekends, wherever you may be.

Happy June to one and all!

Given the lack of material being sent in my you all, I may not do another one of these until I do receive some good stuff. You are forewarned!

TGI-Jeff