Greetings on this last day of the work week. It’s been really hot these last few days although it’s a nice break from all the rain we got this summer. So, now that it’s September, it decides to be mid-summerish! Go figure. I almost retired to the basement (the TGIF dungeon) where it is a lot cooler than up here where it is 80 degrees (F), while it is 92 outside. The builder of this house insulated it very well, so that we can let the cool night air in and at about 9 am, we close all the windows, and it remains fairly cool. When you come in from outside, it feels like it is air conditioned.
Schools have resumed here in the U.S, although due to the heat covering much of the country now, some schools closed due to the high temperatures. Some parts of the south and southwest (although not limited to those areas) have been suffering from prolonged hot spells for much of the summer. And then there are the hurricanes, too. Even the San Diego area was affected by a rare tropical storm abut 2 weeks ago. But I’m sure that climate change has nothing to do with any of this!!! J
Dianne and I have been spending the last days of summer at the lake housed as much as we can. Although I spend a few days here in order to play golf with my friends. My golf game is improving a bit over what it’s been the last few years. I good friend gave me a putter to help me get over “the yips” which had been bothering me for the last year. It’s working! Yeah. Now, my wedges are letting me down. It’s always something.
The heat has been adversely affecting the tennis players at the U.S. Open in New York. I’ve been watching that this week as they get closer to the final matches.
Putin’s Trouble With the Time Difference
Russia has a nine-hour time difference from one part of the country to the other, which can be confusing. Trying to solve this, the prime minister went to Putin and said, Mr. President, we have a problem with the time difference. I called my family to tell them goodnight, and they said it was already morning. I called Olaf Scholz to greet him on his anniversary, and he said it's tomorrow. I called Xi Jinping to wish him a happy new year, he said it's still the old year.
Putin responded: "Yes, the same happened to me. I called Prigozhin's family to say sorry for their loss, and the plane had not taken off yet."
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Jacksons’ Clothing Stores
There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business. Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to their store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.
The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's clothing store (BEST PRICES!)"
Not to be outdone, the one on the right puts up a sign that says "Jackson's clothing store (BEST QUALITY!)
The one in the middle thinks about it for a while, and eventually puts up a sign of his own. "Jackson's clothing store (MAIN ENTRANCE)."
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Never Lie To Your Rabbi
At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "Irving, I need a favor - I'm sleeping with the rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in temple for an hour after services for me?"
Irving, not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied.
After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving what are you really up to with all this?"
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi "I'm sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."
The wise rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder, said "Irving I think you'd better hurry home—my wife died two years ago!"
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Beer Drinking
An American walks into an Irish pub. He asks the patrons, "I'll bet $500 that none of you can drink 10 pints of Guinness in 10 minutes."
People raise their heads, but ignore the absurd bet and go back to drinking and merrymaking, except an Irishman who leaves the bar. Some time passes and the Irishman comes back to the pub and approaches the American.
"Is yer bet still on the table?"
The American replies, "Sure it is! Bartender, get this man his drinks."
The bartender lines up 10 pints of Guinness on the bar. The Irishman starts drinking and drinks up all the Guinness in less than 5 minutes.
Astonished, the American hands over the money and asks, "Well, may I ask where you went earlier? Did you go to prepare in some ancient Irish way?"
"Nah. I went to the pub next door first to see if I could do it."
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Senior Memory Issues
Two elderly people living in a senior apartment house had known each other for a couple of years and one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of ' careful consideration’, she answered "Yes. Yes, I will. "
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember.
Try as he might, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."
Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.”
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Jesus in Heaven
Jesus was walking around Heaven one day. In a small, secluded garden He saw an old man, crying. Alarmed, Jesus ran up to him and said, “Hey, now, what’s all this? This is paradise. There should be no tears or sorrow.”
The old man wiped away his tears and said, “Oh, I know. I’m sorry. But… well, many years ago, a son came to me through… well, let’s say ‘mysterious circumstances’. After many trials he went through a miraculous transformation, and a book was written about him that became known the world over. I thought I would find him here, but I haven’t. I’m afraid I’ll never see him again.”
Wide-eyed, Jesus looked at the man and said, “Wait a minute… You weren’t, by any chance… a carpenter, were you?”
The man looked up in surprise. “Why, yes. Yes, I was!”
Jesus burst into tears of joy and held out His arms saying, “Father!”
The man cocked his head doubtfully and said, “Pinocchio???”
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The TGIF Golden Classic for this week
The Ski Trip
Paddy decided to go skiing with his buddy, Eric. So they loaded up Paddy's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realise it's terrible weather out there, and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours. will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' Paddy said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Paddy got an unexpected letter from a lawyer. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the lawyer of that attractive widow they had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Eric and asked, 'Eric, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' Said Eric.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!' Eric said, a little embarrassed about being found out,' I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Eric's face turned beetroot red, and he said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
She just died and left me everything.'
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Time to wrap this up and wish you a fantastic Friday and a wonderfulweekend!
TGI-Jeff
