Greetings from this beautiful – but devastated state of Vermont – due to torrential rains that dropped between 9 and 11 inches of rain on the state between Sunday and Monday night. That was more than we received from Tropical Storm Irene in August of 2011! Our capital city of Montpelier was flooded and under water for more than 24 hours. Lots of local small businesses have been badly hit. In southern Vermont, not far from here, the towns of Londonderry, Ludlow and Weston, were also under water. Many of you may have seen photos from those areas. Our town of Springfield, only between 15 and 25 miles from those above-mentioned towns, was saved by our dam that was constructed in the late 1950s by the Army Corps of Engineers to help control the amount of water flowing into the Connecticut River which is about 5 miles south of downtown Springfield. That was also to help prevent flooding in Springfield MA and Hartford CT. There is a large flood plain behind our North Springfield dam that takes the extra water from the torrential rains and run off, so that our downtown is saved. Also, my house is up on a hill above the Black River and the drainage is pretty good.
I wish to thank those of you who reached out to me with messages of concern. It’s not often that Vermont is on the headline news. We are okay while we feel bad for all those families who have been affected by this latest disaster. I feel really bad for the small business owners who have to know assess whether they can clean up and start all over or throw in the towel.
What is worse is that more rain is expected later tonight (Thursday) and maybe on Friday. The ground is saturated, and more rain will just lead to more flooding. There was even a tornado warning issued awhile ago for the area around Middlebury Vermont.
We always used to say that living in Vermont was nice, as we have no earthquakes or hurricanes, or cyclones, or prolonged droughts or tsunamis. However, these “once in a hundred year” rains have changed that. I heard a guy on the radio who said that he doesn’t understand why some people still question that this is not linked to climate change. He said, “Wake up and smell the coffee!”
But as our Vermont-born president, Calvin Coolidge, once described our state as a “Brave Little State”. And after tropical storm Irene, we all had VT license plates that said “ Vermont Strong!”
Watermelons
An old man was selling watermelons. His pricelist reads: 1 for $3 and 3 for $10.
A young man stops and asked for one watermelon. "That would be 3 dollars, for one” says the old man.
The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.
When the young man was leaving, he turned around and said, "Hey old man, do you realize I bought 3 watermelons for just $9? Maybe you are not that good in doing business."
The old man smiled and said, " People are funny. Every time they buy 3 watermelons instead of 1, they then try to teach me business."
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Who Is Really In Charge?
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
"I should be in charge", said the brain, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge", said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away".
"I should be in charge", said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy".
"I should be in charge", said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal".
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story? You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an asshole.
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I Want a Raise!
An Austrian maid asks the wife who employs her for a pay raise. The wife became very angry about this and decided to talk to her about this raise.
She asked, “Now Anna, why do you think you should get a pay increase?"
"Well, madam, there are tree reasons why I should. The 1st is that I do iron better than you."
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Anna: “Your hozban he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”
The second reason: “Annaeez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “That's a lie, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Anna: “Your hozban he did.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Anna: “The third reason is that I am better than you in bed.”
The wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth, asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Anna: “No Madam… The gardener did.”
A moment of silence passes... "So... how much do you want?”
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Trivia Stuff That I Bet You Didn’t Know
'A SHOT OF WHISKEY' - In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents, so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand was low on cash, he would often give the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This became known as a "shot" of whiskey.
BUYING THE FARM - This is synonymous with dying. During WW1 soldiers were given life insurance policies worth $5,000. This was about the price of an average farm so if you died you "bought the farm" for your survivors.
IRON CLAD CONTRACT - This came about from the ironclad ships of the Civil War. It meant something so strong it could not be broken.
RIFF RAFF - The Mississippi River was the main way of travelling from north to south. Riverboats carried passengers and freight but they were expensive, so most people used rafts. Everything had the right of way over rafts which were considered cheap. The steering oar on the rafts was called a "riff" and this transposed into riff-raff, meaning low class.
SHIP STATE ROOMS - Travelling by steamboat was considered the height of comfort. Passenger cabins on the boats were not numbered. Instead, they were named after states. To this day cabins on ships are called staterooms.
SLEEP TIGHT- Early beds were made with a wooden frame. Ropes were tied across the frame in a crisscross pattern. A straw mattress was then put on top of the ropes. Over time the ropes stretched, causing the bed to sag. The owner would then tighten the ropes to get a better night’s sleep.
SHOWBOAT - These were floating theatres built on a barge that was pushed by a steamboat. These played small towns along the Mississippi River. Unlike the boat shown in the movie "Showboat", these did not have an engine. They were gaudy and attention grabbing which is why we say someone who is being the life of the party is “showboating".
OVER A BARREL - In the days before CPR, a drowning victim would be placed face down over a barrel and the barrel would be rolled back and forth in an effort to empty the lungs of water. It was rarely effective. If you are over a barrel, you are in deep trouble.
BARGE IN - Heavy freight was moved along the Mississippi in large barges pushed by steamboats. These were hard to control and would sometimes swing into piers or other boats. People would say they "barged in".
HOGWASH - Steamboats carried both people and animals. Since pigs smelled so bad they would be washed before being put on board. The mud and other filth that was washed off were considered useless “hog wash".
CURFEW - The word "curfew" comes from the French phrase "couvre-feu", which means "cover the fire". It was used to describe the time of blowing out all lamps and candles. It was later adopted into Middle English as “curfeu" which later became the modern "curfew". In the early American colonies homes had no real fireplaces so a fire was built in the center of the room. In order to make sure a fire did not get out of control during the night it was required that, by an agreed upon time, all fires would be covered with a clay pot called-a “curfew".
BARRELS OF OIL - When the first oil wells were drilled, there was no provision for storing the liquid, so they used water barrels. That is why, to this day, we speak of barrels of oil rather than gallons.
HOT OFF THE PRESS - As the paper goes through the rotary printing press friction causes it to heat up Therefore, if you grab the paper right off the press, it’s hot. The expression means to get immediate information.
There, don't you feel smarter now?
Betcha Didn’t Know ...
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
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No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Oh, go ahead.. I'll wait...
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Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.
(So, watch your Ass)
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You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television
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Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age, or older.
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The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
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The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MUSTACHE
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American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive
from each salad served in first-class.
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Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise
(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?)
(Those women are going in the 'right' direction...?)
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Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
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Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
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The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.
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Walt Disney was afraid of mice!
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PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR!
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The ten most valuable brand names on earth: Apple, Coca Cola,
Google, IBM, Microsoft, GE, McDonalds, Samsung, Intel, and Toyota,
in that order.
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A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
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Turtles can breathe through their butts
(I know some people like that; don't YOU?)
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Remember, knowledge is everything, so pass it on.....
Now go move your toothbrush!
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Memory Lapses
Oh boy. I can relate to this one.
As Chester left a pottery class, he desperately gave himself a personal TSA pat down. He was looking for his keys. They were not in his pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly he realized that he must have left them in the car. Frantically, he headed for the parking lot. Chester’s wife, Sally, had scolded him many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. Chester’s theory is that the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Sally’s theory is that the car will be stolen. As Chester burst through the doors, he came to a terrifying conclusion: Sally’s theory was right. The parking lot was empty. He immediately called the police. He gave them his location, confessing that he had left the keys in the car and that it had been stolen.
Then Chester made the most difficult call of all. "Honey," he stammered (He always calls her "honey" in times like these) "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. Chester thought the call had been dropped, but then he heard Sally’s voice. "Chester!" she barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was his time to be silent. Embarrassed, he said, "Well, come and get me."
"I will!" Sally retorted, "Just as soon as I convince this cop to take off the handcuffs!"
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Well, the latest storm just passed through here tonight and the lights went out for 5 minutes. Hopefully, there wasn’t a lot of rain; although there was loud thunder and lightning. There may be some more rain tomorrow. Ugh!
Our Springfield downtown revitalization group is having an event downtown on Saturday – a Downtown Street Fest on Saturday. Hope the rain holds off for that!
I’m looking forward to next weekend when our Peace Corps Mali group will be reuniting in
Raymond , New Hampshire, and we will see old friends from 50 years ago. That should be fun. I wonder how much Bambara I will actually remember. Should be fun!
Give me a hand. This is 3 weeks in a row that I’ve issued one of these messages. Thanks to Debba, as usual, for all her contributions!
Happy Bastille Day!
Until the next time, have a fantastic Friday and a wonderful weekend!
TGI-Jeff
