Greetings on this last day of the work week and the first day of July. Are we really half way through 2022? And it’s a holiday weekend in the USA and the national day in Canada! So, Happy Holidays to all concerned!
I see that I have not issued one of these since the end of April. I guess I could summarize that as “time flies when you are having fun”! Life is good, I must admit. Dianne and I are starting to get serious about preparing for our nuptials in early August. At our simple ceremony will be just our kids and their spouses and Dianne’s 3 grandkids. It will take place at her lake house in New Hampshire. And speaking of nuptials, my youngest son (Phil) and his partner (Kailey) decided last year that they did not want a big wedding and preferred to just elope. And so they did this week, going from San Diego to Carmel and Big Sur and got married on the beach there.
Our family will celebrate that here in Vermont in August when all are here for our wedding and the big Taft Family Reunion in August. So, we feel very blessed.
The recent Supreme Court decisions have been very disturbing to many of us, although I do realize that not all of you who receive this missive would agree with that. However, it seems odd that 2/3rds of Americans do not agree with most of their recent rulings. President Trump, with the help of Mitch McConnell, managed to pack the Court with 3 conservative justices. And now Roe v. Wade has been overturned. It’s odd because Trump thought that Roe versus Wade was just two ways to cross the river!
I got this email from a female friend of mine last week. Very disturbing.
Thanks to everyone for your concern.
First off, I’m ok, although I was a bit shaken up. For those of you are not aware, I was robbed at the gas station this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down as my blood pressure had gone through the roof.
My money is gone though. The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them yes, it was pump number 3.
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Aging (It’s ugly but it sure beats the alternative)
"To get back to my youth, I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"The older we get; the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Old age comes at a bad time." -- San Banducci
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued" - Bill Dane
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.” - Mark Twain
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Nice to be here? At my age, it’s nice to be anywhere." -- George Burns
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” – Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get." - Robert Orben
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“I have successfully completed the 30-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of 50." - Alexander Hamilton
"The years between 50 and 90 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"At 50, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 90, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my 50s, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile" - George Burns
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” – Andy Rooney
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most birthdays live the longest” - Larry Lorenzon
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” -- Lee Trevino
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me, they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I’m 59, and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"I don't do alcohol anymore.” I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“By the time you’re 90 years old, you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Getting older: I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"You know you’re getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"There’s one advantage to being 102: there’s no peer pressure." Dennis Wolfberg
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." - Josh Billings
"At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." - George Burns
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montague
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday. I tell them: a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
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And speaking of getting old, here is a good one about an old geezer:
Old Geezer
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Aaagh! This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Here's your $1000 back."
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of the story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "
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Unused
A wife arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman.
She screamed at him: "You're a pig! A pig with no honor! How dare you do this to me! I'm your faithful wife!"
She was about to storm off, when her husband stopped her with these words: "Wait a minute, let me at least explain what happened!"
"Fine!" sobbed the angry wife, "but they will be your LAST words to me!"
"Well, while I was driving along the highway, I saw this young girl here, looking tired and haggard. I felt sorry for her, so I brought her home. She was hungry, so I made her a meal from the roast beef you thought was too fattening. Her sandals were torn so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style. She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I got you for your birthday that you don't wear because the colors don't suit you. Her slacks were worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that you liked before your sister bought the same pair. Then, as she was about to leave the house, she turned to me and said pleadingly, "Please, please, is there anything ELSE your wife doesn't use anymore?"
* * * * * * * *
Confucius Did Not Say
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
And, Confucius Did Not Say.
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
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It’s time for the TGIF Golden Classic
This is an old one that I first saw about 3 Irish brothers; but who cares?
The Cowboy . . .
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to my eye too)
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."
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So, that’s it for this issue. Hope you are all well and enjoying the summer. Thanks to the few of you who are submitting material for me to use. You know who you are! I – and many others – do appreciate your efforts!
Have a nice weekend and a nice summer!
TGI-Jeff
