Greetings from the Friday guy for the first (and maybe last) time in 2019! Happy New Year! Hope it is a good year for all of you!
It might be the first and last time you hear from me because I’ve run out of material to use. I am not receiving hardly any new material to use and I don’t wish to use only old stuff. So, I’ll issue the next one once I have accumulated 5 or 6 new ones that you all send to me. So, I can’t predict when that might be.
I had a great Christmas in San Diego with family. Older brother Nate and his wife Karen (Colorado), sister Noreen (San Diego), and my three kids, plus Joya’s husband Chris (DC) and Phil’s girlfriend Kailey (San Diego), along with Jonathan (Brooklyn) and me (Vermont!). It was great to be with all the family and in a warm place. I think that a good time was had by all!
Wishing you a happy and healthy new year!
WHAT'S NEXT?
Here's another example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations:
I just read of a professional who after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, effort, training and money.
He's still paying off his school loans.
This just goes to show you, one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts and prayers for him and his family.
The article says he really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
* * * * *
Golf on Christmas Day!
I know that my good friends Andy and Dana will appreciate this one as they like to find a way to play golf in December and even on Christmas Day!
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies, and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later that special morning arrives and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it".
The second guy says, "My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
The third guy says, "Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they all had lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said: "Well Babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf, and she said, '"Take a sweater'".
* * * * *
American Senior Management
A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile!
The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people paddling and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people paddling.
Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.
They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were paddling
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the paddling team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people paddling the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners and free pens for the paddlers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid off one paddler, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.
The next year, try as he might, the lone designated paddler was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles), so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.
Sadly, the End.
Here's something else to think about:
GM has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US claiming they can't make money paying American wages.
TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US.
The last quarter's results:
TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while GM racks up 9 billion in losses.
GM folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses....
* * * * *
Flight Humor
Poland Crash
A two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 200 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
Engine Trouble
Engine Trouble
An 747 was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A couple minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.
Blondes on a Plane
Blondes on a Plane
A blonde gets to fly in an airplane for the first time. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing 747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....." She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
Parachutes
Parachutes
There were 5 people in an airplane and they were the world’s smartest man, the world’s richest man, the pilot, an old man and a little boy.
Their dilemma was that the plane was crashing towards earth but there were only 4 parachutes. So they started to argue who would get a chute the world’s smartest man said, 'I get a parachute because I have many more things to discover. ' and so he grabbed a chute and jumped;
Then the world’s richest man said he had many more things to buy and so he jumped with a chute;
The pilot said that he had many more planes to fly and he also grabbed a chute and jumped, now there was only the old man and the little boy with only one parachute left. The old man said to the little boy 'you go I've lived a longer life and after everything I've done I deserve to die.'
The little boy said 'That’s okay because the world’s smartest man took my back pack.'
* * * * *
GREAT QUESTIONS FOR CONTEMPLATION!
· Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
· How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
· Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
· What disease did cured ham actually have?
· How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
· If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
· Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
· Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
· Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
· Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
· Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
* * * * *
Tyrone’s Difficulties at School
Tyrone was having trouble in school; and his teacher was always yelling at him
"You're driving me crazy, Tyrone! Can't you learn anything?"
One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her frankly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career.
Tyrone's mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and
moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.
moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised that she have an open heart procedure which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was remarkably successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her.
She wanted to thank him but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue; she raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but quickly arrested. A prolonged resuscitation attempt was unsuccessful.
The doctor was shocked, wondering what had deteriorated so rapidly.
When he turned around to leave the room, he saw that Tyrone, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.
If you thought that Tyrone had become a heart surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you voted for Hillary.
* * * * *
It’s time for some advice for us seniors – you know who you are: those of us over 65!
1. It’s time to use the money you saved up. Use it and enjoy it. Don’t just keep it for those who may have no notion of the sacrifices you made to get it. Remember there is nothing more dangerous than a son or daughter-in-law with big ideas for your hard-earned capital. Warning: This is also a bad time for investments, even if it seems wonderful or fool-proof. They only bring problems and worries. This is a time for you to enjoy some peace and quiet.
2. Stop worrying about the financial situation of your children and grandchildren, and don’t feel bad spending your money on yourself. You’ve taken care of them for many years, and you’ve taught them what you could. You gave them an education, food, shelter and support. The responsibility is now theirs to earn their own money.
3. Keep a healthy life, without great physical effort. Do moderate exercise (like walking every day), eat well and get your sleep. It’s easy to become sick, and it gets harder to remain healthy. That is why you need to keep yourself in good shape and be aware of your medical and physical needs. Keep in touch with your doctor, do tests even when you’re feeling well. Stay informed.
4. Always buy the best, most beautiful items for your significant other. The key goal is to enjoy your money with your partner. One day one of you will miss the other, and the money will not provide any comfort then, enjoy it together.
5. Don’t stress over the little things. Like paying a little extra on price quotes. You’ve already overcome so much in your life. You have good memories and bad ones, but the important thing is the present. Don’t let the past drag you down and don’t let the future frighten you. Feel good in the now. Small issues will soon be forgotten.
6. Regardless of age, always keep love alive. Love your partner, love life, love your family, love your neighbor and remember: “A man is not old as long as he has intelligence and affection.”
7. Be proud, both inside and out. Don’t stop going to your hair salon or barber, do your nails, go to the dermatologist and the dentist, keep your perfumes and creams well stocked. When you are well-maintained on the outside, it seeps in, making you feel proud and strong.
8. Don’t lose sight of fashion trends for your age, but keep your own sense of style. There’s nothing worse than an older person trying to wear the current fashion among youngsters. You’ve developed your own sense of what looks good on you – keep it and be proud of it. It’s part of who you are.
9. ALWAYS stay up-to-date. Read newspapers, watch the news. Go online and read what people are saying. Make sure you have an active email account and try to use some of those social networks. You’ll be surprised what old friends you’ll meet. Keeping in touch with what is going on and with the people you know is important at any age.
10. Respect the younger generation and their opinions. They may not have the same ideals as you, but they are the future, and will take the world in their direction. Give advice, not criticism, and try to remind them that yesterday’s wisdom still applies today.
11. Never use the phrase: “In my time.” Your time is now. As long as you’re alive, you are part of this time. You may have been younger, but you are still you now, having fun and enjoying life.
12. Some people embrace their golden years, while others become bitter and surly. Life is too short to waste your days on the latter. Spend your time with positive, cheerful people, it’ll rub off on you and your days will seem that much better. Spending your time with bitter people will make you older and harder to be around.
13. Do not surrender to the temptation of living with your children or grandchildren (if you have a financial choice, that is). Sure, being surrounded by family sounds great, but we all need our privacy. They need theirs and you need yours. If you’ve lost your partner (our deepest condolences), then find a person to move in with you and help out. Even then, do so only if you feel you really need the help or do not want to live alone.
14. Don’t abandon your hobbies. If you don’t have any, make new ones. You can travel, hike, cook, read, dance. You can adopt a cat or a dog, grow a garden, play cards, checkers, chess, dominoes, golf. You can paint, volunteer or just collect certain items. Find something you like and spend some real time having fun with it.
15. Even if you don’t feel like it, try to accept invitations. Baptisms, graduations, birthdays, weddings, conferences. Try to go. Get out of the house, meet people you haven’t seen in a while, experience something new (or something old). But don’t get upset when you’re not invited. Some events are limited by resources, and not everyone can be hosted. The important thing is to leave the house from time to time. Go to museums, go walk through a field. Get out there.
16. Be a conversationalist. Talk less and listen more. Some people go on and on about the past, not caring if their listeners are really interested. That’s a great way of reducing their desire to speak with you. Listen first and answer questions, but don’t go off into long stories unless asked to. Speak in courteous tones and try not to complain or criticize too much unless you really need to. Try to accept situations as they are. Everyone is going through the same things, and people have a low tolerance for hearing complaints. Always find some good things to say as well.
17. Pain and discomfort go hand in hand with getting older. Try not to dwell on them but accept them as a part of the cycle of life we’re all going through. Try to minimize them in your mind. They are not who you are, they are something that life added to you. If they become your entire focus, you lose sight of the person you used to be.
18. If you’ve been offended by someone – forgive them. If you’ve offended someone - apologize. Don’t drag around resentment with you. It only serves to make you sad and bitter. It doesn’t matter who was right. Someone once said: “Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Don’t take that poison. Forgive, forget and move on with your life.
19. If you have a strong belief, savor it. But don’t waste your time trying to convince others. They will make their own choices no matter what you tell them, and it will only bring you frustration. Live your faith and set an example. Live true to your beliefs and let that memory sway them.
20. Laugh. Laugh A LOT. Laugh at everything. Remember, you are one of the lucky ones. You managed to have a life, a long one. Many never get to this age, never get to experience a full life. But you did. So what’s not to laugh about? Find the humor in your situation.
21. Take no notice of what others say about you and even less notice of what they might be thinking. They’ll do it anyway, and you should have pride in yourself and what you’ve achieved. Let them talk and don’t worry. They have no idea about your history, your memories and the life you’ve lived so far. There’s still much to be written, so get busy writing and don’t waste time thinking about what others might think. Now is the time to be at rest, at peace and as happy as you can be!
REMEMBER: “Life is too short to drink bad wine and warm beer.”
* * * * *
I always liked that expression.
Hope that you have a fantastic Friday and a wonderful weekend! Take care!
TGI-Jeff
