Greetings on this Thanksgiving Day here in the USA. Thank God It’s Thanksgiving!
It’s been a weird few post-election weeks here in the USA, with Biden being the declared winner 4 days after the election and Trump still refusing to concede, more than 3 weeks after the vote.
Declarations of fraud and of the democrats stealing the election have not been borne out in the states and most of the recounts have been completed, giving Biden-Harris the win.
Someone pointed out to me that “Election Results” can be rearranged to spell: Lies – Let's Recount.
Our personal news is that Dianne’s house (that was on the market for more than one year) finally sold recently and so I was helping her pack up and move stuff out and so forth. She has set up a weaving studio in my boy’s former bedroom. She still owns her lake house not far away in New Hampshire – so we split our time between them. Today we are at the lake house where we are celebrating Thanksgiving (Le Jour de Merci Donnant – in French). See more on this later in this edition.
This is a special Thursday edition, given that it’s Thanksgiving. And often I have used the famous Art Buchwald article about how he explained this day’s origin in Plymouth to his Parisian friends. (I just love his literal translations!)
Apparently, when Trump returned to the White House on last Sunday night after having played golf on the weekend at one of his courses, he found that he was locked out. He tried almost every door. Then, he went around to the front and found a big sign hanging over the front door which said, “Mr. Trump you cannot enter. It is now for-Biden!”
Yep. The sooner the better.
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The Old Geezer
The Old Boy is walking in Amsterdam just after Lockdown and passes a hooker standing at her door.
She says: “Hi Gramps, why don't we give it a try?"
He replies: "No thanks, dearie, it's no longer possible for me.”
Says the hooker: “Oh, come on, what have we got to lose, we can give it a try!"
So he says, ‘Well OK, that’s very kind of you” and they both go inside.
They undress and he performs like a young stud, 5 times in a row.
“Blow me” says the hooker, breathless, "and you said that it was no longer possible for you?!”
Says The Old Boy: "Oh, the sex part is still fine, it's the paying part that is no longer possible…”
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SENIOR WISDOM
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.G
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
* * * * * * * *
T’was a Month Before Christmas 2020
T'was a month before Christmas,
And all through the town,
People wore masks,
That covered their frown.
The frown had begun
Way back in the Spring,
When a global pandemic
Changed everything.
They called it Corona,
But unlike the beer,
It didn’t bring good times,
It didn’t bring cheer.
Contagious and deadly,
This virus spread fast,
Like a wildfire that starts
When fueled by gas.
Airplanes were grounded,
Travel was banned.
Borders were closed
Across air, sea and land.
As the world entered lockdown
To flatten the curve,
The economy halted,
And folks lost their verve.
From March to July
We rode the first wave,
People stayed home,
They tried to behave.
When summer emerged
The lockdown was lifted.
But away from caution,
Many folks drifted.
Now it’s November
And cases are spiking,
Wave two has arrived,
Much to our disliking.
Frontline workers,
Doctors and nurses,
Try to save people,
From riding in hearses.
This virus is awful,
This COVID-19.
There isn’t a cure.
There is no vaccine.
It’s true that this year
Has had sadness a plenty,
We’ll never forget
The year 2020.
And just ‘round the corner -
The holiday season,
But why be merry?
Is there even one reason?
To decorate the house
And put up the tree,
When no one will see it,
No-one but me.
But outside my window
The snow gently falls,
And I think to myself,
Let’s deck the halls!
So, I gather the ribbon,
The garland and bows,
As I play those old carols,
My happiness grows.
Christmas ain’t cancelled
And neither is hope.
If we lean on each other,
I know we can cope.
LET’S TRY TO BE SAFE, HAPPY AND MERRY AND FULL OF HOPE.
* * * * * * * *
La meilleure blague de l’année!
Après leur mort, Georges Bush, Barack Obama et Donald Trump se retrouvent devant Dieu pour être interrogés.
Dieu demande à Bush : « En quoi crois-tu ?-Bush répond :-Je crois en une Amérique forte, aux liberté individuelles, respectueuses de la population…etc… »
Dieu est impressionné par Bush et lui dit : « Bien, viens t’asseoir sur la chaise à ma droite. »
Dieu s’adresse ensuite à Obama et lui demande : « Et toi, en quoi crois-tu ?-Obama répond, - Je croisen la démocratie, en l’égalité entre les hommes, l’aide aux pauvres, la paix mondiale ».
Là Dieu est réellement impressionné par Obama et lui dit : « Très bien, viens t’asseoir sur la chaise à ma gauche ».
Finalement, Dieu s’adresse à Trump :
« Et toi que crois-tu ? »
Trump lui répond :
« Je crois que tu es assis sur ma chaise ».
* * * * * * * *
EDITOR’S NOTE: One of the most popular columns of longtime Washington Post humorist Art Buchwald involved his attempt to explain Thanksgiving to the French. We’re keeping alive a Post tradition by reprinting his classic column here. Happy Jour de Merci Donnant!
One of our most important holidays is Thanksgiving Day, known in France as le Jour de Merci Donnant.
Le Jour de Merci Donnant was first started by a group of Pilgrims (Pelerins) who fled from l’Angleterre before the McCarran Act to found a colony in the New World (le Nouveau Monde) where they could shoot Indians (les Peaux-Rouges) and eat turkey (dinde) to their hearts’ content.
They landed at a place called Plymouth (now a famous voiture Americaine) in a wooden sailing ship called the Mayflower (or Fleur de Mai ) in 1620. But while the Pelerins were killing the dindes, the Peaux-Rouges were killing the Pelerins, and there were several hard winters ahead for both of them. The only way the Peaux-Rouges helped the Pelerins was when they taught them to grow corn (mais). The reason they did this was because they liked corn with their Pelerins.
In 1623, after another harsh year, the Pelerins’ crops were so good that they decided to have a celebration and give thanks because more mais was raised by the Pelerins than Pelerins were killed by Peaux-Rouges.
Every year on the Jour de Merci Donnant, parents tell their children an amusing story about the first celebration.
It concerns a brave capitaine named Miles Standish (known in France as Kilometres Deboutish) and a young, shy lieutenant named Jean Alden. Both of them were in love with a flower of Plymouth called Priscilla Mullens (no translation). The vieux capitaine said to the jeune lieutenant :
“Go to the damsel Priscilla ( allez tres vite chez Priscilla), the loveliest maiden of Plymouth ( la plus jolie demoiselle de Plymouth). Say that a blunt old captain, a man not of words but of action (un vieux Fanfan la Tulipe), offers his hand and his heart, the hand and heart of a soldier. Not in these words, you know, but this, in short, is my meaning.
“I am a maker of war (je suis un fabricant de la guerre) and not a maker of phrases. You, bred as a scholar (vous, qui etes pain comme une tudiant), can say it in elegant language, such as you read in your books of the pleadings and wooings of lovers, such as you think best adapted to win the heart of the maiden.”
Although Jean was fit to be tied (convenable a etre emballe), friendship prevailed over love and he went to his duty. But instead of using elegant language, he blurted out his mission. Priscilla was muted with amazement and sorrow (rendue muette par l’ atonnement et la tristesse).
At length she exclaimed, interrupting the ominous silence: “If the great captain of Plymouth is so very eager to wed me, why does he not come himself and take the trouble to woo me?” (Ou est-il, le vieux Kilometres? Pourquoi ne vient-il pas aupres de moi pour tenter sa chance?)
Jean said that Kilometres Deboutish was very busy and didn’t have time for those things. He staggered on, telling what a wonderful husband Kilometres would make. Finally Priscilla arched her eyebrows and said in a tremulous voice, “Why don’t you speak for yourself, Jean?” (Chacun a son gout.)
And so, on the fourth Thursday in November, American families sit down at a large table brimming with tasty dishes and, for the only time during the year, eat better than the French do.
No one can deny that le Jour de Merci Donnant is a grande fete and no matter how well fed American families are, they never forget to give thanks to Kilometres Deboutish, who made this great day possible.
* * * * * * * *
Hope that all of you who celebrate Thanksgiving had a good one today. Dianne and I made enough food to feed a small army – so we’ll have a lot of left-overs to enjoy over the next days and week.
We had some nice family zoom sessions today which was the next best thing to actually being all together.
December is around the corner, bringing colder temperatures and probably snow.
Until the next time, stay safe and healthy!
TGI-Jeff
